From the Allied Pungeoning Front Moscow Bureau 23 June 1999
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Are your children prepared for “success?”
“Teenagers are expected to know how to deal with success with little or no education at home or in school,” says Ghetto Prescriptionary’s Johnny Gutts. “They must learn how to tell the difference between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ in order to develop a dependency on success goals.”
Gutts offers these tips:
• Develop a summer habit.
• Look for expensive summer activities.
• Avoid Self-Administered Reality Checks (SARCs™).
Posted by LordSomber at 3:45 PM
Friday, June 16, 2006
While the Sidler Saucers hover on periphery of Prattle Zone, combine blades slash datahose; recoil of infostream conduit shattered the plexi-cab, thereby eliminating the Foister who meddled with Crops of Potential.
The future dissolving to the present... to show what painted this Vomick Fever Dream:
The fields at Eagle Road slope toward the beckoning of yellow lanterns, wrought-iron, naked babes and 3-D wiggle fireplace pictures.
Post-repast laps through the house agitate the immature gut.
Thus, on the journey home warm mac’n’cheese erupts upon dank floormats. Without ZGoop™ on hand to aid in cleanup, Courier One ducks into G-Noid Orb Parlor to procure napkin relief.
Shotgun cleanup and back en route via M Ferry, while bobbing in and out of consciousness... ...
Advice of Specimen 6:
De-gauss the skull to repel magnetic dream mines. That, and don’t sprint from the dinner table with a full belly.
Posted by LordSomber at 5:57 PM
Monday, June 12, 2006
It couldn’t look any better across the street.
...For that’s where the problems first arose.
Spectacular, seat-riveting journeys of fantasy, opening the young minds to realms of boundless possibility... —interrupted.by motives of concessionaires athirst for popcorn and cola profits. Thus ruining the continuity of epic yarns with flimsy appeals to bladder needs. As if we couldn’t hold it.
The final insult: Closing the curtains on the credits. Denying the storytellers their name. And making some pimply-faced kid do the ‘explaining.’
Where does it spiral from here? The rankling of potency. The bile of denial. The smashing of windmills. The umbrage of visionaries.
Next thing you know, the whole ‘hood is affected. Economic downturn. Dreams deferred. Crackpipe Central.
The Living Force has left us.
Such is present-day Lakewood, USA.
This is the wasteland that reflects the inept negligence and vapidity wrought by Eric™.
Posted by LordSomber at 6:02 PM