Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Projecting Alpha: Standards & Stereotypes

Stratum projections based on stylistic trajectories of accoutrements and social cues utilised by Alpha Aspirant type [Aα2] (as opposed to Alpha Actuel type [Aα1]):
• Stratum 5 societal std.: Don Juan manqué.
• After-effects of 20 strata PoMo march renders Machismo concept into pejoration.
• Bio/evo impulse conflicts with cultural programming, resulting in cognitive dissonance. The concept comes full-circle, minus the marrow.

By Stratum 44:
• Machismo will be subjective.
• Yesterday’s Gold Chain is tomorrow’s Compliance Collet.
• In the future, everyone will be macho for fifteen minutes.

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Commemorative Edition Orville™ LV-2r Package Unveiled

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

In observance of the Orville Corporation’s 30-year anniversary, a commemorative edition of the original Orville™ LabVac-2 will be re-issued as a limited-run series available in retail/wholesale and industrial/commercial markets.
  The original LV-2 was the 10th Stratum successor to the LV-1, a failed tech demo with major design flaws:

[The LV-1 was a similar vacuum unit that featured a directional headlamp in the event of power failures. Unfortunately, since the unit relied solely on an external power source, a power failure would render the entire unit useless.]
The LV-2r features twin “waldo”-style removable telefactor arms for use manipulating the hose assembly and cleaning head.
  But the standout feature of the LV-2r is the “boombox”-style console interface entertainment system. Updated and improved, the re-issue includes mp3/USB docks and a digital streaming receiver in addition to the “classic” AM/FM receiver and stereo cassette deck.
  Headphone options are unnecessary as the audio signal is channeled through the vacuum’s impeller unit, so the vacuum/“boombox” twin decibel outputs operate as complements in tandem.
  Back in its day, the LV-2 was very popular in the custodial engineering community. Orville™ is confident that the “face-lift” of the LV-2r will bring a smile to old pros while winning over new converts.
Orville™ LV-2r
Power: 1300 Watts
Capacity: 9.8L
Weight: 6.8 kg
Cleaning reach: 36.8 m with RC remote control
Filter: OrVex + HepaSuc-3
Combined Sound Output Level (SPL): 105 dB

Monday, April 02, 2012

Commemorative Edition Orville™ MMW-1r Package Unveiled


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

In observance of the Orville Corporation’s 30-year anniversary, a commemorative edition of the original Orville™ Mobile Motorised Wastebasket will be re-issued as a limited-run series available in retail/wholesale and industrial/commercial markets.
  The MMW-1 was indeed a breakthrough in its day, and was a vanguard in applications in systems engineering and the sanitation arts.
  The MMW-1 re-issue features a polished brass plaque with laser-engraved autographs of Johnny Gutts and the late Mark Hall, Orville’s own “brain trust” who both helped to catapult the corporation to unmatched success in wide-ranging fields using cutting-edge technology.
  The MMW-1r is ideal for lab work, hazops, kitchens and nurseries alike.

Orville™ MMW-1r
Volume: 95,425 cc
Max. Velocity: 43.4 km/h
EPA est.: 66 km/l
Hwy. est.: 83 km/l
Fuel Tank Capacity: 1.89L
• Foot-pedal lid access
• RC remote control
• Lab-tested