Sunday, April 27, 2014

Max Chick: Curves Between the Lines

In the no-man’s land between Max and Chick we find an alley of sorts. A space bound in rectilinear form by mere brick, wrought-iron, wood and the oxygen in between. Planar concrete and soil solid underfoot, as well as sky derricks above busily expressing Cartesian activity in furthering three-dimensional space.

  But betwixt we find the anomaly — organic, human form, comprised of curves, sass and desire. The perfect complement to an otherwise orthogonal milieu. A ‘non-man’ in this no-man’s land.

  Look fast — in today’s infotoxin-saturated atmosphere both the yin and yang are either actively quashed or pumped to caricatural levels where intrinsic essence is lost, leaving a grey egalitarian goo that is all too malleable to those in power with their nefarious machinations. Find the curves between the parallels and you will find equilibrium.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Orville Princely Avenue Motor Sports Open May 10-11

Extreme machines roar into Heritageville May 10-11 for the Orville Princely Avenue Motor Sports Open, treating everyone to one of the most electrifying weekends in all of motorsports.

Scheduled for Mother’s Day weekend, the event has become a must-see on the Heritageville calendar for an action-packed weekend guaranteed to not only celebrate Mom but entertain the entire family.

The public is encouraged to enter their own car in such race events as stock car, dragster, funny car, and the demolition derby.
  Though a group of concerned citizens called Complete Streets: Princely Avenue (CSPA) has raised issues of pedestrian safety and “traffic calming” — especially in the pedestrian crossing area in front of The Gristle restaurant — a legal order instigated by them has mandated that Princely Avenue zebra crossings will remain accessible, even on the days of the motor sports event. Patrons of The Gristle will literally have to “dine ‘n dash” to get across Princely Avenue, but no safety issues are anticipated.

Mayor Dwayne Gutts told a constituent that he was “not against the concept,” and has full backing of the city commission to use city streets for this event.

The weekend kicks off with one of the most unique experiences in motorsports as exhaust flames blaze behind 2,000 horsepower, nitro-fueled machines rocketing down Princely Avenue at speeds in excess of 200 kph during the Friday night qualifying session.

Saturday features a full day of stock car and drag racing action, topped off with a music celebration featuring local rock band Clampy Hold and entertainment from the local Cooter’s franchise.

On Sunday, celebrate Mother’s Day with the excitement of final eliminations as earth-shaking Hot Fuel dragsters and ground-pounding funny cars battle for supremacy. The Grand Finale will be the Demolition Derby down Princely Avenue along the stretch from Dilladge Avenue to Pauskil Lane.

An insignificant taco stand at the end of Dilladge Avenue will be bulldozed to make way for the pit area.

All fans can get up close and personal with these remarkable rides — their neighbours who steer them and the crews scrambling to prepare their machine for the next round of competition.

The famous Orville blimp will be on the scene to provide live race coverage.

With all events free, there’s no better time to experience the extreme speeds, raucous engines, and street-shaking power featured at the Orville Princely Avenue Motor Sports Open. Come one, come all!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Indulgenza nella Nostalgia: Pomeriggi sul Campo presso il Fiume Covone

The Spry n’ Sprightly™ brand currently acts as umbrella semiotic/Cue for the Visions for mainstay totems of (metaphorically) nutritive meme/concepts within the initial 10-stratum span.

The various Sheffield favourites: Cottage cheese, “byo-byo,” shucked corn, Herb Alpert 8-Tracks, Fresca®, “Lives of Our Days,” iced milk, Lark’s “Keith filter,” Venuti’s pizzelles, day journeys to the Lac des Cloches, Dixie Riddle Cups, birch beer, Mass Youth Cavort through the Bug Man’s clouds, and the Mooney Garage Graffiti Gallery (“Don’t read the walls,” Miss Troy ominously once intoned).

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Orville Foods Division Announces New Brand Launch: Punge Kibble™

Orville Foods Division executive Landau Shoger announces the new brand launch of Punge Kibble™, a breakfast concept high in both protein and fibre aimed at both young Millennials on the go, as well as health-conscious seniors.
  “Punge Kibble™ is an important part of any breakfast,” says Shoger.
  Punge Kibble™ features sustainable GEO (genetically enhanced organism) cereal grains based on wheat, muesli, and quinoa whose very DNA is customised to maximise your breakfast satisfaction.

• Punge Kibble™ also helps maximise antibody count. You are what you eat — don’t you want to maximise your antibody count??

• Lower equine part count than competitor brands, with the exception of the Punge Kibble™ Basashi variety for the Japanese market.

• Fortified with Vitamin P23™, a proprietary Orville nano-nutritional bioactive compound that facilitates proper metabolism.

• Stop fearing your dietary intolerance and sensitivities — harness it. Embrace it. To override errors of metabolism, Punge Kibble™ has integrated scouring aggregates, which serves as a (1) intestinal tract abrasive, and (2) toilet bowl scrubber. To further expedite the alimentary process, PK has accelerants to double the time till expulsion and triple the force.

• It takes a new word to describe the amazing taste of Orville’s Punge Kibble™, so we made one up: Pungelicious. It’s when the most exquisite, plump sultanas, succulent Yemeni dates and crunchy Spanish almonds are mixed with nutritious grains and meat trimmings to make one mouth-wateringly delicious breakfast. Nutrition has never tasted better.

• Varieties available: Frisky Feast, Mixed Grille, Veg Supreme, Savoury Offal, Fruit & Nut Medley and Klassic Kibble Delight™.