Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Corporate Ugandoid and the Exploding Green Sun


Specimen 6 rises in ranks up the ladder to greener pastures
Still he chop-chops at the air
Martial gestures at BBACBL’s wispy, bygone ghosts

Witness the litany of managerial buffoons:

• Mac MacDoom Paranoid alky vet who imagines hand-fashioned pungee sticks as legit business tools against competition.

• The Brown Don Toady gladhandler consultant relies on divide-and-conquer techniques while buttkissing a la Larry King.

• Dragonryder Oily, miserable micro-manager who re-enacts swordplay from Highlander during meetings while sporting Member’s Only jacket and fanny-pack.

• Andreu Puckerpants — Flaming stereotype with Rich Wife/Beard who nonetheless feels the need to disparage his uncloseted ilk, all while pandering to Bluehairs.

• The BBACBL Triarchy
— The masterminds themselves... Fringe bankers of the Foreman Archetype whose reign of incompetence oversaw this succession’s takedown of a once-viable media organ.

...And let us not forget their lapdog, the vile Jethrine-esque Sleezi Tiki.

“Sarariman Dada, why do you swat at faded flies of yesteryear? They are powerless, shriveled shadows from the past. What threat could they possibly hold in your mind?”


While “living well is the best revenge” is indeed a tasty dictum in which to take comfort, our executive’s concern is not that of a concrete threat. It is the radar’s detection of patterns themselves that may alert us to any Repeating of the Past.

May we introduce a new corporate tool:

The Orville™ Green Nova of Awareness

• 360° recon intelligence
• 4D contingencies map realtime outcomes
• Motive-exploding to shed light from the what-was to the could-be
• Deterministic schemes for assessing future management’s core competency
• Actionable chaos sets for countering management meta-ignorance and zerotasking