Supa-Kibble 0303

In this issue:

• Demanding Appetites: Capitulation or Quashment?
• Kibble Deficit in La Zona Fantasma
• Garage Door Atlas Saves Fifi
• The End of the Script

Edition Sponsor: Caffè de Gallina di Cacao
Past Issue: Supa-Kibble 0699

Supa-Kibble 0699

In this issue:

• The Disdain That Hides Indecision
• White Cat Witnesses the ’69 Time Slip
• Junior Ghoulsby Establishes the ‘Scampi-Bobbi’ Mantra
• Cat Crunch cannister in the East Bank pantry at Crique de Yanick
• Nonchalant Sentinel of the Oak

Edition Sponsor: Orville Punge Kibble
Past Issue: Supa-Kibble 0993

Supa-Kibble 0993

In this issue:

• Dumb-Luck Dogs and Why We Heart Them
• Granny Kibble Brunch Recipe
• Man-Dog: The Leer of Oily Sub-Managers
• Insectoids’ Circuitous Strategies towards Kibble Goals

Edition Sponsor: Flighty Dog Pet Food
Past Issue: Supa-Kibble 0490

BIRP to Hold Public Forum Addressing Baxter Street Woes

Heritageville’s Baxter Street is still struggling well into the twenty-first century, and the needs of the neighbourhood and its residents are seemingly insurmountable. Vacant lots, few shops and crap restaurants are predominant features of Baxter Street. But what can be done to improve life in this economically depressed area?
  In 2015 the Orville Corporation was commissioned to spearhead efforts to change the public’s negative perceptions of the Baxter Street corridor. The following year Orville infused venture, corporate, and municipal capital into both the townie/trust-fund market as well as upper-end franchise prospectors with a pungeonary, a CTS centre, a SetUp™ boutique, and an Ancestral Confrontation Lab, as well as a Tauntini’s franchise. Orville had been able to map out a desired blueprint for change but has had questionable success in implementing permanent improvements in the area.
  Focusing on youth was another aspect thought crucial. But civic engagement programmes such as a youth fútbol league had the deleterious effects of bringing hooliganism, gambling, and parental altercations to the neighbourhood. Not only that, but none of the league teams knew how to score, and tended to trade valuable players away to street gangs. So much for “engaging youth.”
  What about Urban Agriculture? The poppy garden and makeshift drug lab of Jared Gutts saw an end to that. The “Mr. H” containment dome debacle certainly did not help Baxter’s negative perceptions either.
  What about Vacant Lot Beautification? “No!” say the ego activists of BärteHansa. Boarded-up shacks and lots full of rubble are “historic,” you see. Don’t even get them started on non-functional railroad trestles.
  And so, we are all at an impasse between Orville’s creative (if imperfect) solutions, the paratonic paternalism of BärteHansa, and the thumb-sitting dotards of City Hall. Solutions?
  Well, John Q. Public, it’s your turn! Orville CEO Johnny Gutts is sponsoring a Public Input Session, where your two cents is welcome as part of a collaborative process with Orville, BärteHansa, Heritageville city commissioners, and the general public for developing the Baxter Image Rehabilitation Project (BIRP) 2022 Plan. Your input is vital to the existence of Baxter Street itself.
  The meeting will be held on Tuesday, August 31 at 1:00pm at
P-Bones Pungeonary, 1051 Baxter Street, Heritageville. Masks and refreshments will be provided.

Ghosted Privilege Sign, Papal Street, Stratum XX

Menko 21: Executive ‘Burnout’

Menko 21: The Unfluencer

The Noble Rogues

Pluteus petasatus, among other varieties found nearby.

Nella Ragnatela Della Solitudine

Brain Bracer™ — Vitality and Potency

Le Mensonge 4

Fourth in an old series

Menko 21: Jaa’abaní-Mósí

Naches Mantikora

Incarnated Trans-ætheric Subentity encountered during a Quantum Venn Overlap on CHRONO Mission 20A, Stratum -CDLXVI.

Menko 21: Paddy Plaisteach

El Toro Verde: As Natural as Nature Allows

Orville International Pioneers Overseas ‘Energy Inhalant’ Market

In foreign markets, the energy inhalant industry has been growing profitably for months as the energy drink market is saturated, and it appears to keep growing despite regulatory and health challenges.
  Energy inhalants are gases that directly boost people’s energy; they increase energy due to the high content of proprietary compounds. Orville International’s Toro Verde energy inhalants are classified as unmetered dose nebulisers because they are consumed to replenish energy, enhance physical endurance, reduce ‘brain fag,’ and improve moods.
  Unlike the age-old ‘cola vs. energy drink’ wars, the Orville Corporation created an “energy inhalant” and, by extension, an “unchallenged market” where no one else offers a similar product. This means that all Orville needs to do is to keep attracting customers via unorthodox means (attaching themselves to “extreme” events and stunts), coupled with a keen understanding of likely customers. This allows Toro Verde to dominate the category Orville created and capture the global majority share that energy drink manufacturers continue to chase with their own silly brands.
  From the beginning, Orville leveraged its eccentric Toro Verde advertising and marketing campaigns overseas to target the young, action-oriented customer. It focused on meeting them in the places they frequent, such as extreme sporting events, protest riots, and street racing — any of which Orville hopes to be a title sponsor of in the near future.
  Orville’s emotional branding strategies have created meaningful and enduring bonds between consumers and the brand. Toro Verde’s success has come not through convincing customers to breathe the product, but through creating a reality in which the customer wants to be part of the “Toro Verde lifestyle.”

Wooly Bear on the Defensive

Hypercompe scribonia

“The Good Ol’ Days of Jared Gutts— Before the SHTF”

From the September 2014 issue of Haute Fresh magazine:

For several weeks he dominated Heritageville’s Baxter District nightclub scene. A self-proclaimed successful businessman with both a piano bar and aquarium supply company, he lived as high on the hog as one could whilst still lodging in his parents’ basement. ‘Wine, women, and a song’ was a lifestyle he lived by.
  Now Jared Gutts has none.

  Though “Mr. H’s Piano Bar & Aquarium Supply” initially brought an amount of commerce to the sketchy Baxter District, clientele quickly began to wane, and repeated calls to police regarding violence and drunken behaviour on premises led to ASBO charges against Mr Gutts and several of his associates.
  And then police found the lab.
  Law enforcement officials stumbled upon a makeshift drug lab in the aquarium “rescue unit” repair shop of Mr Gutts’ supply store.
  “The place was a toxic dump,” said federal agent Namir Fergus. “We had to immediately call in the HazMat crew.”
  Drug enforcement analysts suspected Mr Gutts was attempting to manufacture heroin, methamphetamines, and possibly some “designer” drugs. Environmental analysts said materials found in the lab were both carcinogenic and radioactive.
  Investigators suspected Mr Gutts obtained the materials illicitly during his brief employment at the Orville Corporation, a multi-national conglomerate. Orville Corporation CEO Johnny Gutts, uncle of Jared Gutts, could not be reached for comment.
  Instead of seizing the nightclub, federal agents had the property condemned and environmental agencies say a Chernobyl-style containment dome built over the site is the safest and most feasible solution.
  In exchange for criminal charges being dropped against Jared Gutts, the Orville Corporation will be in charge of the design, construction, and installation of the new containment dome.
Mr Gutts still faces hefty fines.
  “Guess I won’t be playin’ much piano anymore,” sighed Jared Gutts. “Uncle Johnny’s pretty mad at me.”

UPDATE from the September 2021 issue of Haute Fresh:

Neighbourhood Briefs

The Orville Corporation will be holding a ribbon-cutting ceremony this month in the Baxter District as they unveil “Mr. H’s Containment Dome” on the former location of “Mr. H’s Piano Bar & Aquarium Supply.” The property was the site of a drug bust and toxic waste accident in 2014. Orville CEO Johnny Gutts will be on hand for dedications and nephew Jared Gutts will make an allocution statement.
  Local merchants are concerned that “the dome” will make Baxter even more of a joke than it has been. Johnny Gutts assured them that the Orville Corporation is hard at work on a PR campaign called the Baxter Image Rehabilitation Project (BIRP).
  Leave it to Orville to make the best of a bad situation. Stay tuned.

“The Mind at War”

Orville Corporation CEO, thought leader, and armchair analyst Johnny Gutts sees the writing on the wall:

  “There’s aspersions in the air and treachery in the ’tubes and revilement on the road ahead. Your sanity and mental hygiene are under attack from all quarters. From the high level Powers That Be that divide and conquer to make dependent beggars... to the local cabals sniffing for exploitation... down to the low individuals no less cunning, gunning for scammage.
  “The plethora of psychological offensives come from across the spectrum -- from knaves down to their fools -- and from some even on The Spectrum itself. (“Spectrum is Green”? Definitely not, guys.)
  “Languid yet stubborn minds and their psychological necessity for an ‘Emmanuel Goldstein’ to focus their frustrations with what is ultimately self-unfulfillment -- and their obligatory public displays of impotent rage. Of course, every hurdle in life is viewed as an impediment put in place by The Man. They bait innocents into false debates not to persuade, but for the selfish purpose of validation abutment. So, don’t bother trying to be pragmatic with solutions for them. They’re just milking the opportunity to bitch. And not only are you forced to listen in person, they barrage you online, looking for social approval (via vanity metrics) for leveraged activities.
  “But! By all means don’t take things sitting down! Call out these Shoulder Chippers’ passive-aggressive mau-mauing as the twaddle it is and watch them crumble into a litany of Vapourous Meta-Excuses, betraying their Image-Constructs.
  “How did these ‘adults’ not ‘grow the F up’? Having shite parents who lack basic social propriety certainly didn’t help. ‘Can’t you just ignore them?’ you ask. Well, these are clowns you run into every day. The store clerk who can’t do arithmetic even with the till. Idiots operating machinery. And of course, people who block the travelator at the transit concourse.
  “And putting the Irritati in front of us aside, let us not forget the media environment that surrounds us. It’s in the air, on the walls, and on the telescreens! We are suffused with the scourge of InfoToxin peddlers, the recycled compost of Kultur Vultures, provocative ‘art’ that provokes yawns, and the steady dirge of
Lo-Valu™ media muckraking passing itself off as news.
  “Solutions? The Allied Pungeoning Front has long supported pungeoning activities and the Orville Corporation has long sanctioned the APF’s efforts supporting various pungeonaries and their franchises over the years, as well as Punge Expos. Orville has been offering assistance with cutting-edge tech of the time, available to both individuals and groups in their fight against BubbaCabal and BärteHansa, as well as against Easy Breathers and their ilk, drunken alumni, and hippie burnouts.
  “But what more could we do? What more could I, Johnny Gutts, do in this war of minds? I am giving you these tools to use yourself — no need to call the APF or local pungeonary, when vital information is at your fingertips!

  “Orville Publishing brings these great books to you! Presenting the first 14 volumes of ‘The Mind at War’ — now available to the general public.
  “They’re all here, in big handsome hardbacks with the look and feel of hand-tooled saddle leather. Or, get them in handy CD/DVD format to watch on your personal computing device.
  “I’ll send you ‘Vol. XIV: The Trajectory of Cultural Rot’ for a 10-day examination. If you’re not impressed just return it in ten days and pay nothing. If you decide to keep ‘The Trajectory of Cultural Rot’ you pay just $19.95 plus shipping & handling. Then, every month I’ll send you another lively volume from ‘The Mind at War’ library for a 10-day examination. Keep only the volumes you want. Cancel at any time.

  “If you care about freedom of thought and unfettered mental hygiene as much as I do, you’ll want every volume of ‘The Mind at War.’ Order today and receive an Allied Pungeoning Front tote bag FREE with your purchase. This offer ends soon so call right now!”

Menko 21: Fuju of UAP

• Ritual of the Fuju: Pillar of spirit and tradition

• Chui Sasa Hivi: UAP elders and idols question BBACBL interference; APF intervention mandated

• Wakili Kuku: Fuju brethren ousts BBACBL’s forays into EBB

Escape from the Id

Impakt Impavido