Tuesday, March 01, 2016

Make Classic City Great Again

The 21st century problems of Classic City must be addressed:

• The piss-poor job market fostered by an environment hostile to small business, leaving a dreadful remaining spectrum from half-baked calzone chains to fleeting trust-fund veganoid nosheries and useless candle boutiques.
• The atrocious quality of local music, scaring off potential audiences in a city that once prided itself as a ‘music destination.’
• An equally arid art scene whose output ranges from hoary macramé foistenings to the playschool-level transgressions of stale, faux-Fluxus excretions.
• The growing number of our town’s younger cohort lacking in such ‘soft skills’ as emotional continence, telling time and “indoor voice.”

Orville CEO Johnny Gutts has boldly stepped into the political arena to bring his town back from the brink of cultural and economic collapse... The much-needed Cultural Cleansening will not be achieved through old-school authoritarian measures, but through a shame-based grassroots effort where the Everyman and Average Joe can freely call b___s___ on the city’s widespread cultural pollution.

Won’t you join him..?