“Rinse It Out!” — The Orville ORV-X Pro DJ Console/Baby Changing Station

The Orville Corporation’s Electronics Division has teamed with Orville’s own Hygienic Products Branch to come up with the perfect solution for today’s new parents following the busy DJ lifestyle.
  Combining a DJ controller, mixer, audio interface and baby changing station in one unit, the Orville DJ Console ORV-X Pro was designed and built tough for the gigging DJ with baby on the move.
  This is a must-have for every DJ with a baby in diapers. This fold-out portable changing station is so sleek and compact, it fits all the diapering essentials, and is perfect for live gigs because you'll always have a safe and clean surface to change your baby on no matter what club you’re at.
  While the ORV-X Pro gives you plenty of control options, the whole control surface is laid out so dope that you and baby will never feel cramped or crowded while you “mix out the jams.”

Console includes 14 rotary encoders, and six faders. Two jog wheels and turntables offer enough precision for scratch moves, quick-cueing and tempo adjusting.
Also includes:

• Built in wipes dispenser for combination vinyl cleaner and baby bottom disinfectant.
• Vinyl/CD storage case doubles as diaper disposal bin.
• One set each of adult and child headphones so baby can follow along with mix and cue channels.
• Scented diaper sacks available in Patchouli, Pan Rasna, Kiwi-Passion Fruit and Sex on the Beach.
• 40-count pacifiers available in Rave Style or Classic Baby Style.

Meritise it — Don’t Manfordise It

Eagerness, whilst nominally an admirable trait in most endeavours, can sometimes hobble the most ardent in their pursuits if proper perspective on potential prospects is ignored.
  In this case, the overeager are not to be confused with the People Pleaser.
  In some instances, it may be more a sign of desperation to fill a much-needed job position, but as in the case of one Mr Mandley, (”I need warm bodies in those seats”), the end result is the same when ‘arguments to a function are not evaluated before the function is called’ (as they say in programming terms) — ‘Warm bodies’ don’t necessarily mean added value.

Manford was an eager sort, and his zeal for his particular enterprise was not to be unappreciated. But in that overeagerness, he would mistake a casual acquaintance’s superficially polite interest in his doings for a verve that matched his own. In other words, he would see a proxy for a future result that is initially unknown, because the computation of its value is yet incomplete — a thunk.
  “I’ll-hire-you-because-you-seem-interested-in-me Syndrome” is quite the unwieldy neologism, so let us refer to this as “Manfordising.”

In the corporate arena, the Orville Corporation’s Interpersonal Psychometric Analytics Team endorse a Confucian meritocratic paradigm in assessing value in potential cohorts, as opposed to blatant sycophantism, shallow credentialism, or the blurred misreading of feigned interest as Promethean dedication.

Meritise it.

Therianthropic Therapeutics: Applied Atavism in vivo

“The man has his rights like the animal, so let him run about freely; and you, my dear fellow animal, are still this man, in spite of all!"

— Orville CEO Johnny Gutts, “Nietzschean Entelechy and the Nomological Net” JEF Talk, Moreau Institute, 2009.

In the contemporary West, social mobility is a fluid concept: Those with the wherewithal to improve their station are quite free to do so, and the resources for such are abundant (free public libraries, tight-knit communities, the interweb, etc.).
  Alas, certain individuals of various castes forgo the available potential in front of them in preference to backwards-looking, petty power plays. As human nature has taught us, there will always be crabs and tall poppies. In many, envy will override aspiration.
  The Orville Corporation has always soberly recognised this social constant. And they now have a “win-win” solution to this societal friction. They have found a way to offer non-constructive individuals a voluntary way to position themselves in preferred ‘pecking orders,’ whilst the rest of constructive society can progress without the added deadweight: Re-purposing particular caste members into the socio-ecological food chain via recombinant DNA.
  Thanks to Orville’s cutting-edge genetic technology, it is now possible to offer voluntary individuals their place in favoured biosphere hierarchies.
  “How would you like it to be able to lord over those who you consider inferior?”
  “Shure, sign me up.”
  As an example, certain humans who buzz and sniff about with inconsequentia can be reassigned “botflyboys.” Gluttonous and slothful folk can be remodeled as “hu-frogs.” Et cetera. Social organisms can find their niche across the diverse spectrum of the entire animal kingdom.
  Voluntarily, of course.
  Orville also offers post-procedure psychological counseling for the trans-species communities.

Along with a vibrant market, Orville executives are confident to proffer their current technologies towards this viable solution:

• Cross-platform calculations accurately verify BioSynth feeds
• Multi-petabyte indexing with SSD bus guarantees accurate DNA sequencing
• Atavistic frame codes used in conjunction with physiotype cross-fade options encompasses crosses of all fauna
• Virtual-focus assembly of nanobots assures applicable exchanges of chromosomal flanking regions
• Verified Heisenberg compensators safeguard proper DNA recombination

A variety of payment plans are available to fit your financial situation.

JEF Talks: Ideas Worth Believing

JEF is the Orville Corporation’s nonprofit arm devoted to Ideas Worth Believing. It started out in Stratum 40 as a brainstorming sesh bringing people and ideas together from three discrete fields of thought: Jobation, Epitropy, Fulsomeness.
  JEF Talks brings together the most fascinating thinkers and doers found, who are challenged to give the public a good talking-to.
  Orville believes passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives, and ultimately, the universe. They are building a clearinghouse of wisdom from the world’s most galvanized thought leaders, and also a community of the curious to engage in heretofore unspoken ideas and with each other.

Keynote Address:
Johnny Gutts:
The Pungeoning — Transformative Paradigm for the Future
Orville CEO Johnny Gutts lays out an impactful roadmap to personal success using situationism, neosemiotic Narrative smashing, and Orville’s own SetUp™.

Other Featured Talks to Whet Your Curiosity:

Camper Brown: We Beat WalMart!
Classic City Activist and former Low Van Winkle musician attests that run-down, undeveloped dumps are better than local economy-boosting chain stores.

Grumman Sims: Dam the Mississippi!
Orville civil engineer and consultant discusses efforts to lower the worlds ocean levels by damming the Mississippi River, the benefits of a potential “Lake Mississippi-Ohio” and Florida being doubled in land area.

Barry Bluck: Punk Rock Facelift
Successful Kilowatt Klub impresario advises reinvigorating and upscaling your seedy dive/rock venue by introducing late night disco and Zumba.

Jared Staylee: Chasing the Retail Dragon
Top-of-the-ladder entrepreneur asks: Is your sales force plagued with addiction problems? Make it work for you! Make it a profit center...

Davey Garge: How Do We Bring “College Rock” Back to College?
Music Business lecturer takes you on a collective stroll down memory lane with anecdotes and an embarrassing amount of stories (once told as first-hand) being relayed as “A friend of mine once heard [rock star name redacted] tell this story...”

Petra McBreyer: Branding the Tard Virgin Flesh
Social Coach stresses the importance of establishing identity, orientation, social class, and racial or religious membership in regard to social media obligations for people with no personalities.

La Chute du Rideau: Plaza Cinéma

Ostensibly built as an afterthought behind the “Platt Plaza” zone commerciale off Route de Cheval Noir well before the First Stratum, the lone uniplex grew in popularity due to its proximity to local neighbourhoods.
Feature films were a mainstay as well as matinées for the younger set.
Exorbitant concession prices (for that day and age) forced youngsters to innovate ways of smuggling confections from home into the theatre. A common tactic for moving contraband was to take a sandwich bag containing sweets and stuff it into one’s sock before entering the premises.

Alas, due to the economy and louche mores of the shifting times, the Plaza Cinéma had finally gone pr0n0 sometime after the Sixth Stratum, but not without protest.

Supposedly, it finally closed during the 29th Stratum; a final, ignominious end was reached by Stratum 35: Demolition.

C’est encore frais dans ma mémoire.

The Abandoned Temple: ilHaraami ‘ala ra’su riish

By accident, amnesiac Calcia supplanted her past with that of another.
By intention, the Wanubian did the same.

Cognitive disorders are not uncommon after brain injuries in individuals. But what explains voluntary delusions in the collective?
  Hucksters using pseudo-esotericism as their con is nothing new. And neither is the human tendency to follow the piper, whether as a result of PsyOp manipulation, “Mutually Assured Delusion,” or by their own volition in seeking a “better way.” Plus, perceived access to rarefied esoterica, regardless of its actual quackery, does wonders for that constant of human nature we know as hubris.
  As a guy from Radio: Tahiti said, “It’s your house of cards.”

Memory eventually returned to young Calcia. But to the huckster, it appears karma caught up with the con. His temple lies abandoned at the far end of a squalid car park.

Orville Corporation expands into area real estate markets

The Orville Corporation has expanded the company’s operations entering into the real estate market in the Classic City and Heritageville area.

CEO Johnny Gutts will target properties in in need of modernisation and other ‘diamonds in the rough’ that will garner high returns on investment creating positive cash flow for the corporation. The company will then allocate these assets into existing projects and future ventures.

With a reputation for placing clients’ needs, goals and objectives at the forefront of every transaction, Mr Gutts provides communication, negotiation and management prowess in combination with in-depth knowledge of the Heritageville area’s neighbourhoods and real property market. Earning his place in the upper echelons of highly respected real estate professionals, Gutts and his team specialise in the sale and purchase of homes and fiefs in Classic City and Heritageville. Johnny leads the way with his personal qualities, professional strengths and skillz.