Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Service, Commitment, Sacrifice: The SetUp™

The concept of the SetUp™ arises out of a global perspective, interfacing people and situational activities within a positive context. It can show you what you can become, while showing you what needs to be accomplished. The SetUp™ can show you how to fit into the whole; it can help you integrate all aspects of consumption intake, and it can help you facilitate a trans-consentive awareness based upon emotive applications of image toning, synergetic flow-control purgatives, and dynamic enhancement.
With the SetUp™, you can maximize your consumption intake through a rotating benefits exchange system. By using co-orientation and augmentation of internal resources, your cognitive domain will be market-attuned. You will freely enjoy commercially expressive activities, as a normative reactivity to dynamic incentives enhances your scope of self-referentiality.

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And now a few words from SetUp™ Facilitator Eljack McGhee:

So you’ve been wondering...
What exactly is the SetUp™?

A: I’m glad you asked. The SetUp™ is America’s premier lifestyle product, designed to identify and disseminate excitement patterns throughout its 1500+ offices nationwide, interfacing people and situational activities within a positive context. And you can see how that’s going to help you, right?

Q: Yes, I can. But what makes the SetUp™ different from the rest?

A: In a word, sacrifice. The SetUp’s comprehensive Relinquishment Program maximizes consumption intake through a rotating benefits exchange system: your wages, your car, your house -- even your children. How’s that for a broad church?

Q: It’s very broad. But what if I’m of the opinion, ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?’ Know what I mean?

A: We know exactly what you mean. Think of it this way -- you wouldn’t want another man, possibly a foreigner, sleeping with your wife, right?

Q: Certainly not.

A: Okay then, let’s get you set up.

Q: That seems like the most reasonable thing to do. I hope it isn’t difficult to switch over from my existing product.

A: That’s the great thing -- it’s no hassle to get you switched over. It’s already set up!

Q: That gives me peace of mind. But what if I don’t like it once I join?

A: I assure you -- that simply cannot happen.

Q: But what if I don’t like it?

A: We’ll slowly poison you with sweet fragrances. In the meantime, let’s get you set up!

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The author would like to thank Eljack McGhee of The Orville Corporation and Peter Glavodevedhzhe for helping him to get “set up.”