Friday, December 06, 2019

APF to Hold Charity Ball for NAI


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

The Allied Pungeoning Front (APF) will host a “Dance & Babble” charity ball to raise aid for the National Awareness Initiative on Prickle-Prickle, Chaos 4th, YOLD 3186 (Stratum XLVII) at 8:00 p.m. at P-Bones Baxter St. Pungeonary in Heritageville.
  This gala event will feature performances by musical groups Clampy Hold, Low Van Winkle, comedienne Petra McBreyer, and DJ Jared Gutts. Johnny Gutts of the APF will be the emcee and compère.
  The National Awareness Initiative (NAI) was established to bring together organisations from all levels to share best practices, pool and direct resources, and identify new directions and learning opportunities in order to improve awareness.
  A suggested donation of €5 is recommended. Advance tickets are available at all local pungeonaries, as well as The Gristle and Mack’s.

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Greetings from Mack’s


Mildewed seat cushions. Rotting, dilapidated wood from a jerry-rigged mini-golf green. Copious amounts of fag ends and dog dirt.
  Even the ratty, salvaged awning from the Barga Gabar lies ignominiously in the far corner.
  A once-inviting patio now rivals the World’s Loneliest Tailgate in the Annals of Sad Spectacles.

Sunday, November 24, 2019

“Fayerlekhkayt in Feasterboro”


HORLOGE: Temporal Incursion Systems Audit [XChron¦23 Unit, Mission 20J]
Planned CHRONO mission for Stratum XLVII:

j. “Fayerlekhkayt in Feasterboro” (Stratum VIII) — On a suggestion from Miss W regarding her sister’s cortège planning, the family meets for repast at Freonlik Facility on Road Street.
  Mission: Assist Sub-Director Marcus Halle with revolving toaster mishap whilst retaining dignity of all involved parties.

Saturday, November 23, 2019

“Cajolery at Actium”


HORLOGE: Temporal Incursion Systems Audit [XChron¦23 Unit, Mission 20F]
Planned CHRONO mission for Stratum XLVII:

f. “Cajolery at Actium” (Stratum -MMIII) — Tentative interception of unidentified non-HORLOGE players acting as Octaviani agentibus, resulting in a whupped Antonius losing his Mojo and hitting the vino.
  Said players also instigate Oneirophrenic Venn Conflict in Cleopatra, resulting in Dimensional Praecox in parallel with an amnesic Calcia in a later stratum.

Friday, November 22, 2019

“Cleaving Gestalts on the
Steppes of Tartary”


HORLOGE: Temporal Incursion Systems Audit [XChron¦23 Unit, Mission 20A]
Planned CHRONO mission for Stratum XLVII:

a. “Cleaving Gestalts on the Steppes of Tartary” (Stratum -CDLXVI) — The prévision monochrome of antiquity quo ante leads to crisis.
Oneirophrenic Venn Conflict in overlapping access points between Zhozhin and unknown agent from VB. Engagement of Tapfermann Integral Equaliser extracts agent SLAKE to Point of Origin, thus avoiding Dimensional Praecox.

Friday, November 15, 2019

Relic Retrieval: S’quatch Totem

A Fourth/Fifth Stratum icon was physically retrieved recently from the mists of time. The S’quatch Totem was a talisman alluded to in several representational iterations in past communiqués.
  And now the real thing is in our hands, unearthed from the old Sastoqué Châsse.
  Restoration of the relic was neither difficult nor time-consuming. After having spent so many years hidden within the châsse in the Armoire Secrète de la Loge, the amulet's condition was wholly intact.
  When meticulously examining the adornments within, restorers discovered other relics of note: Shamrock Five, whalebone from the Kenvil marina, silica samples from Blue Sands — stories from and for another time.
  Now in the proper reliquary under glass, the S’quatch Totem is in good hands for Stratum XLVII.

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Puppeteered Proxies of Janie’s Domain


DATELINE: Academie Cloches, Stratum Dos

  Ms Janie instructs students to craft avatars out of brown paper sacks and coloured wax.
  She is simply following the lesson plan.
  Perhaps her views fall in line with the sanctioned pedagogy positing that ego-reframe rubrics are necessary tools to steer younger subjects towards a more manageable psychological control frame by the Central Edu-Cabal.
  This is accomplished by forcing subjects’ external locus of identity onto homuncular thought-forms manifested by everyday arts & crafts supplies. Basically, rudimentary tulpa management for Junior 1 Forms as prescribed by CEC Compliance.
  Still, Ms Janie is simply following the lesson plan.

Saturday, November 09, 2019

Salaryman Rama Questions
the ‘Needful’


Salaryman Rama is tempted by Shurpanakha as HR lies in wait...

“Who says who needs what and why?”

...Whilst Corporate Ugandoid chuckles, remembering bygone BBACBL ghosts of incompetence...

“You think you have it bad now?”

Saturday, November 02, 2019

Remote Field Monitoring:
Actionable Results


Security, Safety, Sanity
  The APF’s HORLOGE team can follow agents with biometric position tracking via subcutaneous transponder. This allows HQ to bring agent back to Point of Origin in case of episodic emergency. HORLOGE HQ standardises the collection, integration, modeling, and analyses of disparate data to a robust, unified view. This solution accelerates time-to-value, leverages AI, and enables analytics that can assess agent performance issues across various CHRONO channels.

Intel Gathering — ‘Doing the Homework’
  Gathering intel relies on trusty sources within orthogonal timeframes to enable high quality situational assessments. This necessarily depends on a huge variety of sources from Remebered History, whether public or classified.

“Put it All Together”
  H Team boffins can extract useful metadata from timebot samples at one end, as well as real-time profiles of historical markers at the other. Putting them together is the trick. Manifold intelligence is targeted and contextualised, allowing HORLOGE teams to identify and prioritise events based on the Criticality Factor.

Integrate, Visualise, and Pull Your Thumb Out
  Intel feeds often become burdensome to Timespan Security teams, unless customised targeting is used to manage HistoryFeeds via field agents. When processed with other contextual information, “Rules of Causality” concerns become highly ‘iffy.’ Note that the intel comes from the context associated with episodic incursions which trigger Retrocausality Alerts!
  Potential paradoxes are par for the course, regardless of any Varneau-Gutts Scenario. ChanceCompass™ projections will be shared with analyst teams. Change states in quantum systems alert analysts to calculation errors, and can more quickly correct those errors and manage CHRONO data.
  Clearly the scope of CHRONO Ops varies significantly from agent to agent depending on mission and purpose. The APF supports Project HORLOGE’s proactive integration and use of Timespan Security to protect intel architecture and detect future etheric paradoxes that may arise.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

“Angelo Custode” o “Figura di Crisi”?


  “The moment you stand on the Platform after Transition, the interpretation of your presence will be completely subjective to witnesses at Materialisation Point,” tersely stated H Team Director Gutts at Pre-Briefing.
  The physiological and psychological side effects of time displacement in chrononauts were well documented and contingencies could be planned for by this point. After all, “Future Selves Solve ‘Meta’ Contingencies Ahead of Schedule” was the unofficial slogan of the APF’s Project: HORLOGE team.
  The vaguer conjectural considerations now at hand were that of how onlookers at the chronological destination would perceive the agent in situ. 4-D Meta-Scope projections remain debatable regarding this specifically (Quantum Blur). Furley subjects such as young Stoddard himself are usually of no great concern because each mission is tailored to his Context Prep, but for others, extra caution should be exercised in subsequent missions.
  Past missions have a positive track record, so the HORLOGE team remains optimistic yet prudent on future endeavours.

Previous CHRONO missions:
Stratum K, Stratum V, Reid Hall, “Black Boomerang” Incident, Attica.

Planned CHRONO missions (as of Stratum XLVI):
a. Crique de Yanick Drowning Prevention (Stratum VII)
b. Batterie CCXXIII ‘Hand-Up’ (“How did they scale the pilings?”)
c. ‘Montego Irradiation’ — Mann under Palmes brings the aloe balm
d. ‘Elysian Pool Irradiation’ — Essiccosi e Malattia del Sole plus Odyssey decadence wilts the carnations during uni prelims. (Intercession plan pending)

Sunday, October 27, 2019

MVP80: Programme Options


MVP80 Protocol — APF Displacement Platform Destinations:

1. Chequers Haus
2. Gardening on the Roof
3. The Vigour of Suburban Youth
4. Clamberdun Centre
5a. Preview: Ned’s Second Wind
5. The Rusting Scupper

Saturday, October 19, 2019

Lo Nuveti-Sajomo Stile


Fontane fastoso flow in the foyer
• Garage becomes Pete’s Farrah-Space
• Signore Vascetta gets the Permanent Wave
Mrs Nuveti embarrasses the boys with Fonzoid attire
• Leather-clad Cosmo manhandles Gass-Boy for the skirt-flipping offence
• Pizzelles pirouette from la Cucina di Avon
Backyard Pantomime, Giannone-style
• D’Amico fakes The Snore at the Trent-Towne Anthro Lecture
• The Spirit of Sisters Horatius keep Flyers’ flames alive

Saturday, October 12, 2019

Ret Mahal — Solid Like A Stone

At Paulie’s Shore: George and KA creatively bring form to a Promethean fortress, untroubled knowing its inevitable demise lies moments away in the surf. The bond of synergy is forged in the creation/destruction cycle. The white sun glares overhead...

“The Castle Made of Sand” — the easy (if lazy) metaphor for the weak foundation, that foolish bet on the ephemeral, those dashed hopes to be brusquely washed away by the indifferent wave of Neptune’s hand.
  But sand and grit have mass and substance, the tangible something one can have care with — to mould, fortify, to build upon, even if the raw substrate began with mere particulate matter.
  Aggregates in flux may bind to a solid with aeon’s patience, but the capacity is there, even if the grains fall through one’s fingers today.
  And so this diversion over the dunes, the teamwork of two pair of hands, a fleeting construction of the moment — all have more potential than any Castle Made of Air.

...The last light of dusk gives way to a lone lighted room at beachhouse quarters, where surly Miss Martha stews in scabrous spite, as her self-interest holds no truck for the same synergy.
  Out in the bioluminescent crashing foam, the nude forms of George, KA and the others joyously leap over the breakers into Neptune’s balmy embrace...

Monday, October 07, 2019

Entity Merger in the Seventh Dementia

In Dementia VII, The Häag merges with Creamy’s to become one entity, administered by the amalgam of Mr Burr and Ms Baleboosteh.
  Both flavours and clientele are also an amalgam of the previously separate parties.

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Lac des Cloches — Histoires d’Antan

The lake was once the domain of Una-lachta clans of yore. But today we know Lac des Cloches as the ferly stomping grounds of furley youth... and the stories they tell:

The Racing Pool and Bocce Hill

• Navigating the Waters with the Jefon II

Pancoastal Umbrage at the Poolhaus

Toasting Tables near the Horseshoe Pits

Patience at the Fishing Dock

• The Way to Giacobbe Park

Explore as you wish...

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Sunday, September 08, 2019

“People Against Bad Things”

Every week a group of locals meet at Town Square to advocate for good things and oppose bad things.
  They call themselves “People Against Bad Things,” and, as a means of bringing awareness to citizens of Classic City, perform silent morality shows whilst sitting around holding signs.
  “Instead of breaking a sweat and doing something constructive, we’ve found that it’s easier to sit at traffic intersections and hold pithy placards with paralogical platitudes,” says participant Ruth Gopnick. “The vaguer the phrase, the better.”
  The local People Against Bad Things movement originated in Heritageville a few years back in response to the power vacuum created by the splintering of the BubbaCabal and the ascendancy of BärteHansa busybodies.
  Today, the movement continues though the ponytails grow grayer. The ostensible driving force behind these vigils are “bad things” but Armchair Psychologists just point at Nostalgioid Opiates as the unitarian elephant in the room.
  “I sit with these people to give a lot of positive inspiration and to do good and all that,” participant Ted Rant said. “It allows us to live on as people who are against negative things in the world.”
  However, not everyone has agreed with the People Against Bad Things. Gopnick said over the years, they have had numerous criticisms aimed towards them.
  “When we started out, people said we were too negative,” said Gopnick. “So we held signs saying ‘honk for good things,’ and we only got a few honks. I just don‘t think people are very interested in making noise in traffic when they already have things going so well.”
  “There’s just so much badness right now in the world, and when we sit here, we’re sitting against that badness and saying with silence that there is a more better [sic] way to be in the world,” Gopnick said.
  “Talk is cheap,” Gopnick whispered aside. “It’s even cheaper when it’s unsaid.”
  “People Against Bad Things” meets every Wednesday on Town Square in Classic City. Bring your own lawn chairs.

Sunday, August 11, 2019

The Spice Kit


On board Graudonner II, the ’Nuts often relied on a weathered yet sturdy strongbox known as the “Spice Kit” to help season their victual interludes whilst on the road.
  Within, one could find shakers and flavouring agents including the Ten Condiments and such treats as banana habanero jelly and Panax ginseng vials for the morning sesh.
  This vital collection of fines herbes helped the ’Nuts see their way through grueling tours of Rust Belt dive-dumps, with measly per diems, confused hayseeds, and Punk Rock Bathrooms™ — all adding to the regional colour.

Saturday, August 03, 2019

Confectional Accompaniment
to Green Jīqìrén


A confectional accompaniment to the Green Jīqìrén talisman, Crusher of Jaws was provided by elders upon visits to Seaside Pungeonary and Higby Beach around the summer of Stratum One.

Sunday, July 28, 2019

ClassicCityFest MMXIX Haiku

See the gunts onstage
tattooed flab wandering streets
grey, grey ponytails

Schlock artistes galore
arms open: Classic City
is for ev’ryone