Saturday, July 26, 2014

“Minimalist Luxury with
CEO Johnny Gutts”

From the August 2014 issue of Haute Fresh:

CEO’s are great at many things, but relaxing generally isn’t one of them. Many use only a minimum of their time off, and even whilst on holiday, they’re often still ‘on the clock.’ Yet they surround themselves with virtual appendages linking them back to the office, unable to let their brain take a deep breath and clear the mental miasma to regain a balanced perspective.
  One executive who takes his corporate detox seriously is Johnny Gutts, CEO of the Orville Corporation. Eighty-hour work weeks running multi-faceted corporate endeavours is no doubt taxing, and understandably Mr Gutts has an Alpine retreat to dilute the demands from the corporate arena. But this is where the semblance between Mr Gutts’ getaways and those of other CEO’s differs.
  “Chalet Gutts” indeed overlooks the Eastern Alps, but it is fitted with no indoor plumbing.

No electricity. No Caracole designer chairs or Fabrica rugs. The high-tech CEO of Orville actually enjoys a cabin empty of amenities, Kaczynski-style.
  “Tai Chi in front of the [kitchen] grill, reading by candlelight, snowboarding, tending my smokehouse... I have many ways to relax the mind,” Gutts notes nonchalantly.
 Whilst some may find this particular getaway lacking, Mr Gutts assures it is made up for with the hearty esprit de corps of Orville’s employees. Chalet Gutts is also used for management retreats and seminars, from whence executives emerge refreshened and energised. Orville also takes advantage of the site’s Neutral Nation status with the addition of a basement Pungeon Chamber that is unfettered by unreasonable UN dictates.

Features of Chalet Gutts:
• Sleeps 6 with 3 double bedrooms
• Wood fireplace/grill
• Traditional outdoor plumbing
• Mountain views
• 9 min. to slopes
• Private location
• Former car park doubles as helipad
• Cozy and romantic old wood feel
• Basement pungeonary
• Full concierge service by trained rhesus monkeys

Monday, July 21, 2014

Punge Procedural 23F:
The Hard Sell/Bad Cop

Punge Procedural 23F is often used as a “last resort” in re-/de-programming protocols with subjects who are resistant, antagonistic or unresponsive to other procedurals. This particular process includes a strong chemical “cocktail” but the main motivating procedure involves the heavy use of memetic implantation in the host as well as ontological card-shuffling with aberrant psyches. These are psyches that stray too far with a (weak) psycho/moral hygiene that threaten the social fabric with standard Cluster B personality disorders.
  Languid yet stubborn minds tend to have a psychological necessity for an “Emmanuel Goldstein” in order to unite and focus their frustrations with what is ultimately self-unfulfillment. Fortunately, this tendency towards scapegoating can be reversed with the PP-23F procedural to implement a subconscious superego presence with a “firm, guiding hand” to steer said psyches in a socially constructive fashion.
  Reason itself was never a factor in the first place of how subjects’ minds got to where they are. And so with psychological correction, the memetic implants often persuade using shame, fear and embarrassment, to the dismay of some critics.
  Orville stands proudly by the successful record of Punge Procedural 23F.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Bifzabka Nano-Punge™ Protocol (BNPx 0.5)

Breakthrough! Developers at Orville’s Nanotechnology Division labs have salvaged failed efforts at experimental neurohacking from a biochemical approach (Punge Procedural 41-2) to reapply via a nanotechnological standpoint. Success is on the horizon.

 The Bifzabka Nano-Punge™ Protocol (BNPx 0.5) is using a hipster demographic in its prototype test phase. It involves initiated active nanodevices that act as molecular assemblers utilising passive nanostructures to construct pro-pungeon nanobots to invade the host and deploy themselves to find the “bully chromosome” (as per PP41-2 directive) — the very molecule that makes individuals susceptible to bullying. Once the nanobot finds the particular cell or molecule, it does two things: 1) It begins to “punch” it repetitively via Molecular Sucker-Punch™ 2.0 (MSP2) and 2) builds another nanobot/assembler. The second does the same...

 The frequency of the pummeling can be synchronized across thousands of nanobots within the host. This can be orchestrated to setup a harmonic imbalance to counteract case subjects’ physical activities, such as (but not limited to) foodie talk, grooming beards and collecting mid-century furniture.
 Synchronized MSP2 actions can coincide with heart rate (1x, 2x or 10x) per heartbeat or in random time sequences such as MSP-C (C = chaos), as well as syncing to neural oscillations of brain waves (alpha through theta).

 In theory, events can be triggered remotely, or nanobots can wait for a particular event before activating the chosen candidate.
 Test results will be forthcoming.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

S’Quatch: Totem Reiteration ’41

Fate has decided to reiterate Fourth and Fifth Stratum s’quatch imagery by positing incarnations of the talisman downstream the timeline into a current-day context.

Omen from the past? Regeneration of temporal juju? Transmission from U’lei Lyngdoh?

Semiotic ascertainment remains inconclusive.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Punge Procedural 41-2: Neurohacking (Scrubbed)

Developers at Orville Pharmanautics Labs in Heritageville have been beta testing a pungeoning procedural (prototype PP41-2) that involves biochemical mechanisms in conjunction with basic meme insertions. The biochemical mechanisms attach themselves to specific hormones in the human body and attack particular DNA strands in molecules in nearly any organ but most prominently, the brain. The DNA element singled out is the “bully chromosome.” This chromosome is responsible for the unfortunate human trait of susceptibility to being bullied.
  Ostensibly, the biochemical agent would find this bully chromosome and repetitively deliver a Molecular Sucker-Punch™ to expedite psychochemical reactions towards the goals of this particular procedural. This would occur millions of times throughout the prefrontal cortex of the subject.
  Alas, the preliminary tests were suboptimal, as subjects’ susceptibility scores were indeed lessened on the Bully Axis, yet their Locus of Control was unfortunately neutralised. Subjects just didn’t care anymore. About anything. They would just sit there exhibiting symptoms of ptyalism, rhinotillexis and wearing their ball caps backwards. Orville is unfortunately shelving this procedural prototype.
  But there’s hope! Orville’s Nanotechnology Division is stepping in where biochemistry has failed to deliver. Nanobots are currently being designed that should achieve the same goals as Punge Procedural 41-2, both on a cellular and molecular level. Current efforts are looking promising.
  Stay tuned.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Punge Procedural 86-02:

A PNGN technique recently declassified by the Orville Corporation/APF is Reverse-Gaslighting (PP86-02): a form of psychological elucidation in which factual information is presented with the intent of shattering a delusional individual’s own prior self-deceptions, misperceptions and insanity. It may simply be the negation of inculcated phantasms, or it could be the staging of psychological interventions with the intention of reorienting the victim to reality.
A central aspect of RG is Reality Affirmation — denial of false/implanted events, and vivification of factual events.
RG can be approached using varying combinations of the following methods:
• Depsycholeptics
• Psychic Detrusion
• MW auditory effect
• Voice to Skull (or “V2K”)
• Tapfermann Continuation
• Pharmatronic Applications
• Sleight of Mind
These applications are commonly used at most pungeonaries as well as in the field.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Classic City Arcade 0714

Birthday bash for Huey at the Men’s Lodge… Sarge napping on the veranda… Ms West planning routes westward… Hawk squawks amidst the trees of Finley… JB trying to rustle up funds for a Q joint… CC and Myung checking out some gogi gui... LordSomber conquering the Friday Puz… Mr Dutch washing hands… Jack buying aircon unit...