Sunday, November 27, 2016

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Bio-Meth: People Helping People

DNA Donations • Help Save Lives • Earn Extra Bucks

  DNA is the essential starting material needed to manufacture therapies and products that help individuals with rare, chronic and often genetic diseases to lead healthier and more productive lives.
  Enter the Orville Corporation’s Bio-Meth DNA Donation Facility. Bio-Meth takes painless and quick DNA donations from the public for easy cash. Here’s the thing — you’re not donating to a charity anymore. You’re donating to a business. They will use your DNA to turn them into products. It’s only fair they compensate you for your time and your DNA, right?
  Many people who were apprehensive before their first DNA donation have become regular donors after discovering that donating DNA is safe and easy.
  Some of the therapies, products and services Orville offers based on donated DNA are:

• Therianthropic Therapeutic Services
• Punge Procedural 41-2: Neurohacking (Scrubbed)
• Bifzabka Nano-Punge™ Protocols
• Ego Excision and Emotherapy

  Millions of people whose lives depend on DNA donors cannot thank you personally for your donation, but you have the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve made a big difference for people suffering from a host of conditions. Stop by today!

Saturday, October 22, 2016

23 Flavours of Freedom

Renowned Heritageville restaurant “The Gristle” is duly celebrated for such culinary creations as the “Molten Bowl” (sautéed soy product) and the “Gristle Staple” (glorified beans & rice).
  But now The Gristle has taken a bold leap into the 21st century with a virtual menu featuring the Orville Corporation’s Praise,™ the “New Food Substitute,™” — a soy-lentil confection that can be enjoyed both in meatspace and in online soyspace.
  Praise™ is such a versatile foodstuff that the The Gristle has developed 23 unique flavour combinations thus far — including local favourites “Fudge Howdy” and “Unagi Tartare” — all of which can be sampled at the restaurant or on the World Wide Web,
  Visit today for a delicious feed!

1. ‘Fake Woke’
2. Praise from Caesar
3. Rhesus Pieces
4. Synchysis
5. Tedium Vitae
6. Calamitous Intent
7. Psychic Albino
8. Asia Minor Style
9. High Kudos
10. Fake Craig
11. Bro-Nega
12. Caffè de Gallina di Cacao
13. Yellow Sauce
14. E Flat Minor
15. Unagi Tartare
16. Spectrum Salad
17. Fudge Howdy
18. Byo-Byo Nilla
19. Rendered Hatchling
20. Irish Meadows
21. Anole King
22. Scotch Vindaloo
23. Lemon Tabasco

Upcoming flavour combinations: Parkaire Breeze, Frog Nut, Rotting Carapace and Alfredo Achaar.

Sunday, October 09, 2016

Ein Abend in der Allerberger

DATELINE: Old Salt Town, Stratum XI-XII — Those furley seniors really thought they were pulling one over on the chaperones.

  It was a rustic tavern at the inn with stony walls and raftered ceilings. The chairs and tables were hewn from sturdy oak with Old World charm. It was here that the underage students had snuck out to for a few steins of lager. That there was no drinking age here bolstered the young Seppos to step out on their own.
  Mirth and camaraderie ensued.

  But the jaws of the lads dropped when “The Iron Maude” and Radulphus walked into the bar.
  Were the guys going to get in trouble? Detention abroad? Sent home from overseas? A semester failed?
  They were sweating it out.

  But the two chaperones simply ordered beers and nonchalantly joined the young men at their table, treating them as fellow adults. Which they practically were.
 It was implicit that as these young men were the oldest of the tour group, they were the most responsible ones; the chaperones could afford to give them the longest leash. After all, these students had the best grades, had jobs, and had already come halfway around the world.
 Bright kids, but the mischievous spirit lurks underneath — and they all know it.
 The barkeeper brought the beers to the two chaperones.
 “Vielen Dank,” said Iron Maude.
 Soon enough the mirth and camaraderie had returned for the entire table.