Mrs. Bilcoe Solves Local Vandalism Motives

Mrs. Bilcoe’s “I Have Thoughts” column originally ran in the weekly Heritageville Observer from Stratum XXIII-XXIV and was much beloved in the community. Selected columns are reprinted here for your edification.

This week the Authorities notified the public of a vandalism incident down at the local nature centre. The ’Hooch Nature Centre is a lovely facility that features wildlife exhibits, nature trails, and events for the public. They also rehabilitate sick and injured wildlife.
  Well, they were saying on Channel 3 how some of the exhibit displays were smashed and spray-painted over, and the rehab animals had their feathers ruffled, so to speak.
  The Authorities suspect unruly teenagers, and I have to concur. Who else would do such a thing?
  I have thoughts.
  I know why they did it: DRUGS! Those kids were on drugs! Why else would someone do such a thing? Because we know teenage vandalism was unheard-of before the Advent of Drugs.
  I hope Mister Hootie the Rehab Owl gave those troubled youngsters a piece of his ‘bird brain’ and put up the good fight against this Scourge of Drugs!
  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pick up my script from the chemist.
  ’Later!