S.A.R.C. Proxy 103099A — Rotting Carapace

Self-Administered Reality Check for 2000 involved deterioration of the Hive’s collective mind, non-binding anti-inflammatory propaganda, and brain mumming. The nest yield of +7.33 was a result of Dead Palate: the local APF Clench was successful.

Nubi per le seppie

Aerosol the Cuttlefish: The attitude in the pungeonary continues to set a new standard for our program as this year's new squad carries the torch of the Aerosol Faction.

Specimen 5 Post-Mortem Conclusion: Combine Error

Corn-fed commentary from Specimen 6:

Accident was a tactical disadvantage.
• Mismanagement and conflation of disparate conduits of information.
• Devalued memes inflated without holistic context of media reception models.

Case closed.

The Grit of Survival, Deferred

The disappearance of Homo neanderthalensis from the world has long been pondered and analysed by paleo- and anthro-scholars. Numerous theories have been posited, trying to shed light on why man’s closest relative vanished by 35,000BC. Many are merely the same old ideas with new twists -- turf wars with cro-mags, the inability to adapt linguistic toolkits -- you’ve heard them all. But the real reason in fact seems like a very new idea -- the twist being that it’s older than we could have ever imagined.
So what is it? What seemingly new concept is in fact an ancient one, one that led to the demise of our prehistoric brethren?

Neanderthals should never have gone vegan.

They did this, you must understand, not due to scarce resources or varied horticultural techniques, but simply as a “lifestyle choice.”
It uplifted them. Gave them self-esteem. Made them feel better than those oh-so-superior cro-mags with their big words and their fancy tools and their lame cave “art.”

Scientists believe that this was mankind’s first “fad” -- albeit a spiteful one that may have been the undoing for these haughty hominids. You see, fads are nothing but exo-psychic transactions meant for sub-caste motility and day-to-day social lubrication. They are not carried through evolutionary memory by Mr. DNA, thus they make poor guarantors for species survival.

And so, Neanderthal numbers dwindled over the next several millennia.
Though long gone, one can see remnants of their thought and behaviour among today’s trendy vegetarians...

[INT. RESTAURANT LUNCH COUNTER -- DAY]

Half-asleep trudging around in the vegan establishment,
eyes that were once sharp enough to spot wily prey, now crooked, vacant...
hirsuteness no longer natural, but fey in its obeisance to local fashion dictums...
days of the hunter-gatherer past, his scrawny frame reflects the lack of red meat diet
And his mate we see is worse for the wear.
Bone-thin, she has lost the supple curves of Willendorf.
Staid and pallid, her new Emo SmartGlasses™ do not quite seem to mask the fact that she is still, as ever, slack-jawed and slow on the uptake...

[FADE TO BLACK]

Declining fertility and species vigour on the wane: whence does this come? Standard youth-phase nostalgie de la boue? Rousseau’s noble savage gone indie? Or perhaps a deeper, darker nihilistic streak? Should someone have the answer, please notify this author, as his order-up tofurkey sandwich grows cold in the kitchen while neander-waitrons shuffle about, struggling in their prattle about Sticking It to the Man, Mojo Showboating, Testimonies of the Dust and Other Beguilements.

Červnový Osmdesát-5: Konfusion in Karlovy Vary

Straggling out of the cave
past the canopy of slumbering bats
to pile in the Citation and venture onward

Pupils rapidly adjust from zero light to an apparent magnitude of -26.7.

A funk descends under the visage of Pete the Chef.

The eyes, gazing from sun-bleached plastic... focusing, boring down... must be saying something...

Blinded by the sunset, the realization settles in on six of the eight pupils.

“Ray, we’re supposed to be heading east... turn it around!”

Allumez au lac des cloches avec Lyons et l'entraîneur

Tales of giant turtles in the depths
eels creep under a floating dock

Under brush, a lone remnant of brick foundation
burnt mill reminder of days past
horseshoe volley in the grove

Powder jello scarfing before the next event
Twilight meet on the racing blocks
on the hill sits Rachel wearing Fonzie socks

Tiki torch kindles the victory banquet
an unexpected plaque gleams with words of Dr. Salk

In the glee the ‘slave driver’ is hoisted
toss him in the deep end topple in...


...invisible suspension, look around, look up
underwater blue surround, above, beyond the surface
black sky punctuated by streaming white lights
and the fizz of rising bubbles...

EBB: Mapping the Debris Field

UAP Communique 113099

Entebbe Territorial Boundary Relocation moved from 2 minutes, 23 seconds due to BubbaCabal proxies discovered within Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture as recent as 27 Oct. Media efforts are being made to urge partnership with APF, the local elders, and whatever resources are available to a ‘pro-punge’ workforce with additional tactical training and strategic expansion. In a sense, local negotiation offices have become garrisons for trained operatives.