Waiting Through the Night

Future Litigation Portends Space Disaster

LIMITED HANGOUT MEMORANDUM:
APF, Project: Horloge, United Planets Media

Project: Horloge officials have claimed reception of a communiqué from the future showing lawsuits filed against an unknown defendant regarding an incident at “Camp Tafara” involving “toxic stuff”. The message was apparently transmitted by Horloge field chrononauts sometime around the year 2070. No further communication has been received to date.
  Horloge and CHRONO Ops officials caution that this discovered timeline may not be our own but an offshoot of a pre-existing timeline, and that renewed efforts for temporal audits are called for in light of these findings.
  The status of Remembered History vis-à-vis previously authorised disclosures of classified data is now in question and retrocausality alerts have been raised regarding Timespan Security.
  In the current timeline, the Orville Corporation holds a United Planets prospecting licence to scout the asteroid belt for heavy metal mining opportunities. Tafara-08823a is one such asteroid under consideration.
  Orville says they are “unable to comment directly on litigation since future events have yet to unfold.”
  The communiqué noted that a “Jared Gutts III” of “Gutts & Associates” has secured up to two billion quatloos in financial assistance to affected workers to help with the costs of the incident, as well as creating a one million quatloo fund for the mining community.
  Current Orville CEO Johnny Gutts could not be reached for comment.
  There has been speculation on whether these events occur in the same timeline as Tomorrow’s Regrets of 2071, but no conclusive findings have been released.

More Workforce Solutions: Atavistic Assertion

A new module in Orville’s Corporate Shuffle team-building programme is guaranteed to move the needle for your company culture in going forward.
  Orville behaviourists are introducing activities used in their Ancestral Confrontation & Beratement Therapy labs to help employees in blamecasting their perceived inherited neuroses. It is a variation on “Primate Therapy,” but in a work setting that lets individuals reframe their personal and social maladjustments towards the context of a greater congenital gestalt.
  The Atavistic Assertion programme governs behavioural rules: Troop hierarchy directives, sales motivators, intra-silo interactions, alliance building/destroying with potential opponents, and mating access proximity during siesta periods.
  Orville Organisational Development Director Vernon Kolp states, “Primate Resources can go beyond rudimentary reconditioning for our employees. They can come face-to-face with their ancestral roots and confront them with the frustrations they have for their own genetic shortcomings.
  “Employees are such fantastic learners — they mimic each other as much as they mimic management. This programme helps them to solve problems and power through adversity as we do through brain power.”
  While Corporate Shuffle as a whole covers the value of instruction within teams, Atavistic Assertion presses the most focus on it. Every manager wants the smartest and most capable cog to be a part of their team, but the value of behavioural guidance too often falls to the wayside. The Atavistic Assertion programme’s design produces measurable results to clearly show how subject behaviours sub-optimise their own outcomes, including the overwhelming choice to either compete or collaborate.
  Orville has updated their most current models of Applied Atavism programming to support the development of strong workplace cultures. It is imperative to rise to the challenge of changing and evolving times, and push for constant expansion of new programming based on the needs of teams, managers, and bottom lines alike. A new Corporate Normal is upon us, and Orville continues to deliver lasting impact and value through programmes for all workstyle modalities.

Chicxulub Homecoming Promo

Chicxulub Homecoming

Ea Rămâne Neimpresionată

P’akhats Dzu: Escape from the Clinic

Mrs. Bilcoe Urges New Noise Ordinance

Mrs. Bilcoe’s “I Have Thoughts” column originally ran in the weekly Heritageville Observer from Stratum XXIII-XXIV and was much beloved in the community. Selected columns are reprinted here for your edification.

Listen! Do you hear that? It’s those neighbour kids on their “skating boards” flying down the street!
  I have told them repeatedly that I take my naps at 1:00, 3:00, and 6:30 p.m. and I do not like to be disturbed. But those contraptions they ride make such a racket. Why do they have to be such a nuisance?
  I have thoughts.
  Last year I told that Jared Gutts kid what a ne’er-do-well he and his “skate board” buddies were, and they just laughed at me! This is just their revenge!
  I have it on pretty good authority from my neighbour Egberto, who works on the assembly lines down at the Orville plant (He also mows my lawn) — he says ball bearings play a large part in that infernal sound I hear.
  Wait! He knows a lot about these ball bearings, and he works at Orville, where Johnny Gutts is CEO. That Jared Gutts kid must’ve told his uncle, who no doubt installed ball bearings on these “skate boards” to be sold locally, knowing the sound would constantly wake me up!
  I am going to have a sit-down with our city commission tout suite and start local legislation that will bring those Gutts fellows to shame!
  ’Later!

[Editor’s Note: Orville Corporation representatives contacted us to clarify that 1.) Whilst they do indeed manufacture ball bearings, all production facilities are overseas; 2.) The Orville Corporation has tested hoverboard prototypes, however they have never produced nor sold any actual skateboards; and 3.) Mrs. Bilcoe is a crank.]

“Pet” Theories with Mrs. Bilcoe

Mrs. Bilcoe’s “I Have Thoughts” column originally ran in the weekly Heritageville Observer from Stratum XXIII-XXIV and was much beloved in the community. Selected columns are reprinted here for your edification.

Look at Mr. Frodley sitting at the window! Isn’t he the cutest?
  But why does this fetching feline make those chattering noises when he sees birds outside his windowsill perch?
  I have thoughts.
  These are sounds cats make to “disguise” themselves from potential prey of theirs. It is the closest that our furry friends can come to mimicking our avian amigos in order to secure optimal proximity to a kill.
  I have this on pretty good authority from my neighbour Egberto, who is an Animal Scientist. (He also mows my lawn.)
  Even though your cats may be spoilt with more than enough kibble servings, they will still make these sounds out of “instinct,” not hunger. I’m just glad there’s glass separating Frodley from his “birdie brunch”!
  ’Later!

Cinderella Setsunai

What-ifs, unactualised potentials, and poignant possibilities

Diligence Disdained, Dreams Dissolved

Sign of Spring ’23

Crocus variety

Le garçon s’assit sur le pierre de gué gris
buissons d’if debout dans une ligne
la bénédiction du soleil, chaud et silencieux
demande aux crocus d’ouvrir

Xarnaq IV Seeks Diplomatic Relations with Dementia V Power Broker

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Grand Praetor Zarg VI of Xarnaq IV confirms intentions to open diplomatic relations with Infinata of Dementia V, a situation that should not affect relations with other United Planets members.
  The potentate of the Xarnaq Praetorium said that in the current timeline, we cannot continue to think that expanding relations with one realm means being an enemy to another.
  “Xarnaq IV has been keen to establish diplomatic relations with Dementia V for some time,” the Praetorium Ministry of Communication told United Planets Media.
  Infinata claims domain over the Gorthian Library, a vast storehouse of knowledge cosmo-statically digitised for transdimensional access.
  Zarg VI believes that this overture is attractive to Xarnaq’s information economy, since Infinata has established himself as a power broker in the economic and commercial sphere of Dementia V.
  Reaction to the announcement by Jurgætium Prime Imperator Jurgætus LXII did not take long. The sovereign expressed Its opposition, stating that the risky decision may bring negative lysergic consequences for United Planets members.
  “These relations would be a first with this particular dimension. Prudence is warranted,” said Magister DeVault, Ambassador of Imperial Jurgætium.
  “We have plenty of experience with trans-dimensional interlopers,” retorted Sir Keir Marvik, Xarnaq Special Envoy and Ambassador. “We can manage.”
  Xarnaq’s Ministry of Communication has already begun a media blitz campaign touting the benfits of this trans-dimensional relationship and its potentially positive impact on Xarnaq IV.
  There is no current news on the United Planets’ state of relations with Dementia VII, though relations with Dementia IV have chilled somewhat since poor trans-dimensional communications caused a Quantum Venn Conflict, resulting in a fracturing of native D.IV liminal spaces.

...While It Lasts

Noctivagant 9: Garasu no Tōri