Gutts Nephew Runs for UAP Office

After the EBB Debris Field Incident, Contagion Drill and “Mission Manqué,” the BubbaCabal was ousted from the Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture in 1997 by the Allied Pungeoning Front.
  Diplomatic relations expedited executive control transfer back to local elders and aside from the cancellation of the PATU-Y2K EBB Summit, all had been running smoothly.
  Enter Jayden Gutts, nephew of Orville CEO Johnny Gutts. A score of years has passed and the young man is at the age where he “wants to make a difference” and “give back to the community.” One of his community college professors has urged him to “get involved with third world s***holes” as it would look good on his CV, would give him Conspicuous Charitability cred, and might also get him lucky with some of the earthier co-eds.
  Next thing you know Jayden is stepping off his flight onto the tarmac at EBB with arms outstretched, declaring, “Hear I am!” There Gutts announced his candidacy for Grand Gouvernor of the Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture.
  Regarding his platform Jayden Gutts has been rather vague, mouthing platitudes some find curious:
  • “We need to be developing better ‘Cred Abilities’ [sic].”
  • “Ng’olabye [unintelligible]... deworming tablets... [unintelligible]... dealing with it.”
  • “Wulira, y‘all! Everyone knows Dada Seijin is just a misunderstood bachizungu...”
  Though candidate Gutts’ campaign has been sanctioned by the APF, both Johnny Gutts and Orville have remained mum regarding any endorsements.

KulturFilter 2.0

KulturFilter 1.0

Défense Phylactique targets:

• The Taint of Kultural Kuru
• The ‘Good Intentions’ of BärteHansa
• EBB Contagion
• Gaijin Contagion

Unwind Like an Executive

You are cordially invited to become a member of Orville’s Mesosphere Club.
  As a member, you will find the VIP Mesosphere Clubhouses to be quiet, comfortable places where you can relax at some of Orville Commuter Airways major airports. Read or watch TV, catch up on paperwork drudgery or meet with friends and business cronies.
  The latest media are at your fingertips. Stationery is on hand for that note you forgot to send your wife last week. Your favourite convivial adult beverage is available throughout your stay. And a Shirley Temple or Roy Rogers for the younger set is, of course, complimentary.

  The Mesosphere Club’s full concierge service includes:

• Kerbside Meet & Greet with Fanfare
• Discreet Entry & Exit
• Executive Footbath and Shoe Shine
• Porte-coton and Snake Massage
• Cigar Lounge and Carving Station
• Relaxation Booth with White Noise
• Tarot Reading and Auditing Sessions

  After checking your baggage at airport kerbside you can proceed directly to the Mesosphere Club where your attentive hostess will gladly assist you with whatever will get you through your journey.
  A handsome Mesosphere Club membership card will be issued to you.
  Come unwind like an executive at Orville’s Mesosphere Clubs.

La Curiosité Mène au Mystère

DATELINE: The Fantasy Affaire, Stratum X-XI — A major happening back in the day that Technos flocked to, thanks to strings pulled by one Mr Burr to provide lodging — gratis — at the Omniplex.
  Included in the Affaire was the Omniplex Cavort — a variety of activities featuring a Technicot Rally, a Super 8 contest, and Dr Acula holding court before cosplaying vampiresses & Schutzstaffel, furley juniors, and garden-variety fanboys.
  But downtime between sessions brings mischievous curiosity to the Technos, who wandered about from the Omniplex to the adjacent Global Congress Centre.
  The Centre’s concourses stood uninhabited in their own vast, geometric silence. The fellows wandered the empty ballrooms and exhibition halls, admiring the carpeted expanses below and latticed steel above.
  The Technos passed through a well-lit atrium into a dimmer narthex leading up to several double doors — all slightly ajar. Slowly pushing one door aside they made their way into what looked like a spacious, empty auditorium. Dim recesses made the room appear cavernous while pinpoint gold lighting cast down from directly above onto mauve and amber carpeting.
  Forward they slowly walked up the low-sloping terraced flooring to a sparsely lit dais at the head of the giant hall. Chairs had been casually pushed about and serving tables stood askew with trays of half-eaten food.
  The Technos were baffled. Obviously a catered event — for hundreds, perhaps. But not a soul in the entire complex. Not even a sign of security personnel, which explained the Technos’ unimpeded entrée.
  Aliyah Bernal poked at some food on a steam table.
  “Still warm,” she said under her breath.
  Master Stoddard craned his neck, taking in the enormous room.
  “Like they were just here...”
  Mass disappearance? Mass abduction? Aliens?
  Tài Lè piped up: “If it was aliens, it would make sense.”
  Aliyah and Stoddard looked at each other, frowning.
  “I mean, if aliens were looking to make... erm... congress with Earth, the first place they would come to would be the Global Congress Centre, right?”
  “Your logic is impeccable,” muttered Stoddard.
  “Brilliant, Tài, just brilliant,” snapped Aliyah. “You’re not funny anymore. Let’s get the hell out of here. We have to get the Technicot Rally underway.”
  They exited the facility at a quicker pace, Stoddard still gazing upward and around.
  The Technos made it back to the Omniplex in scant time to hold the rally as scheduled. No answers to the mystery of the deserted complex were forthcoming, and it was not spoken of again.

  Consider this another iteration of mind/body orientation overlaying physical deportment upon a 3-D grid.

Heritage Street Alley, Heritageville, 2020

Batsu Sōsu: Honest Condiment

Secret Star of Sunday’s Grill-Out 2020

Re-enactment of Stratum IV make-play beneath the willows...
BBQ brushes trace glyphs in the gray dust...
Olkiewicz freak-out in the dirt behind the aircon unit...
Marge is not impressed... Tears are shed...

  There comes a time when everyone must put their money, or in this case, their strength of character where their mouth is. And we’re about to do so.
  Going that extra mile is not too much to ask when it comes to a Grill-Out. Believe in the essentials, honesty, and hard work.
  We encourage you to think about what you want. The decision one makes is so important and you must live with it.

  Once again the challenge was accepted with vigour, and the rich smoke billowed upward from the green.

Strawberry Iceberg: New for 2065

Orville Corporation Standard Application Rejection Postcard

Dear Mr Jared Gutts,

Thank you for your interest in joining the Orville team.

We wanted to let you know that although your CV was quite competitive, our hiring team reviewed your application and did not choose it for further consideration. We’re looking for candidates with slightly more experience in all available positions.

Some notes regarding your application:

• Listing “Mr. H‘s Piano Bar & Aquarium Supply” as a former place of work was unwise, as knowledge of its recent unfortunate drug scandal was made widespread by local news coverage.

• “Baxteritis” and other Baxter Street misfortunes are not considered valid disabilities by the EEOC.

• “Hire me ‘cuz my uncle is the CEO” is not necessarily a persuasive point, regardless of whether the person is being used as a reference or not. (Note: he is not.)

• Regarding the above, avoid using as a reference: family members, your “really chill sensei,” and any CraigsList “feedback.”

We wish you all the best in your job search and future endeavours.

Regards,

Charmaine Hugoe
Recruiting Department Sub-Manager