Editorial: ‘Cartoon Ignites Local Activist’s Hauteur’

The following editorial comment was broadcast recently on Heritageville’s WBLO-TV Channel 13. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the positions of WBLO-TV. 

Really? Really?!
  Local gadfly Morgan Musone thinks he’s being clever with his hurtful cartoon attacking Bodies of Colour.
  I think it’s offensive.
  Let me explain. It takes a great deal of self-discovery to be able to verbalise my feelings about situations. But always phrasing it in the ‘first person’ makes it easier for me to explain my solipsistic worldview. Therefore, I think this cartoon is offensive.
  Enough with this scapegoating of The Other for various and sundry evils in our midst!
  Even the cartoon’s caption is offensive:
  “Why would one knowingly move to a place they hate? Oh: €€€.”
  This looks like HateSpeak pure and simple. I’m not one of Those People but if I were, I would be deeply offended at this, since I’m unable to see any humour in it whatsoever. Whilst I am on at it, let me just be offended on their behalf. You’re welcome.
  Let’s get down to it: The cartoon verges on terrorist-shaming. Mr Musone also could have used a strong female character in the illustration, but intentionally chose not to!
  Now, unfunniness alone doesn’t offend me, nor does having Drawing Privilege. But when a generally shoddy quality of cartoon is combined with disrespect at progressive mascots, then I feel that something should be said!
  With all due respect to freedom of expression and all that crap, could someone just consider giving Mr Musone the sack from whatever job he has? I am not just asking this as retribution for this unkind cartoonist’s violent attitudes but also for the mocking execution with which he presents those attitudes. Thank you. I feel much better now.

— Meghan C., Heritageville

Editorial: ‘Sniff Jocker Archetype Must Be Reformed to Avoid Collective Doom’

The following editorial comment was broadcast recently on Heritageville’s WBLO-TV Channel 13. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the positions of WBLO-TV. 

  In high dudgeon I bring to you a stern plaint about the insufferable public behaviour of a group that rates quite high on the Connard Social Irritant Index. I’m talking about our fair town’s fraternal
Sniff Jocker community. Though this is a free country and all, we are constantly reminded that this constituency is the cradle for our future’s leadership. Well, these leaders of tomorrow are playing
grab-arse today! These manlets spew in the streets! They dress like toddlers and foul the collective nest!
  Let’s look at some telltale signs that are mysteriously coincident within this cohort:
  • Making an obvious display of being a Man Impervious to the Elements, he proudly marches through the snowdrifts wearing boat shoes and cotton shorts with his chin smugly held high. Never mind that his goolies have shriveled to naught in his chilly promenade — he has ‘brothers’ to impress.
  • Instead of a casual arm draped over the shoulders of tonight’s ‘date’, clutching her in a headlock is the closest he’ll come to any Public Displays of Affection. This possessive signaling is an overcompensation for Low T as well as a general lack of adult social skills.
  • Any musical taste will strictly be second-hand Affectatious Anemoia; in other words, someone else’s Nostalgioid Opiates, the ‘hits’, and pre-approved pabulum that performs as muzak behind empty conversations in both rec rooms and concert halls alike.
  If he’s lucky, this phase will never end, and he will eventually join his Hebetative Alumnoid brethren in their conspicuous cavort. Who am I kidding — this isn’t a phase at all. It’s an archetype.
  Alright, alright — Adult Heresy is nothing new and the Wankening is quite common. It’s the same all over. But pointing out an age-old problem doesn’t make it go away. If you float a certain way, okay, but overcompensating for your insecurities doesn’t make you leadership material.
  You want constructive solutions? Our town’s Semi-Adult Day Care Centres are already packed, plus their admissions are strictly voluntary. The old man on his third mortgage can always bail Junior out of his pesky predicaments that the rest of us have to clean up. And that same old man will also pull strings for his meritless legacy. What else can we do but cry ‘Shame!’?
  Johnny Gutts laments a world currently being run by C-students. But how much worse will it be under a leadership that needs help just to achieve mediocrity? It’s not sustainable!

— Morgan Musone, Heritageville

Siu Ching: Serving, Liberating

E.H.I.R.: Stratum IV Metal Etch Repro

Menko 23: Okorippoi Josei

Menko 23: Ikatteiru Toshokan-in 2

Vomick RXN: Again Falls the Masque

Menko 23: Ikatteiru Toshokan-in

Dark Epiphany 2

Orville ComboVac-I Retrospective Unveiled

In observance of the Orville Corporation’s 41-year anniversary (in Dementia III specifically), a retrospective of the original Orville ComboVac-I will be exhibited for view in Lobby One of Orville’s Heritageville plant.
  The original CV-I was to be the Stratum XI successor to the LabVac-2r, with improved telefactor arms for use manipulating the hose and cleaning head.
  The CV-I improved the vacuum’s suckage power to 250w and operated in both wet-vac and dry-vac modes. A hose assembly unit that could be adapted for water or chemical dispersion was also added, with an unfolding water-resistant gamp adjustable to shield itself or other lab assets.
  New to the ComboVac-I was a 3-bay chemical swiller and analyser, an in-demand resource in the chemistry community.
  Another feature was the self-powered directional spotlight, improved over the flawed LV-1 tech demo which lacked an internal power source. The spotlight offered high, low, UV, IR, SOS, and ‘Grand Premiere’ modes.
  The ComboVac-I also improved upon the console interface entertainment system of the LV-2r by providing removable speakers, each with 50w of power to complement the AM/FM receiver and stereo cassette deck.
  Unfortunately, the ComboVac-I failed to impress the chemical and custodial community. Leakage and contamination problems complicated the unit’s effectiveness, and rapidly changing audio formats at the time made replacing the entertainment system unfeasible.
  But as failure inspires true winners, Orville forged further ahead to develop the Standard Maintenance Robot (SMR-01). All previous LabVac/ComboVac models were retired and the new SMR-01 would go on to become the Earth standard in industrial maintenance as well as in specialised intel and reconnaissance functions.

Retro Tech: Tactical Psionic Devices of the Early Strata, Pt. IV

Another early Tactical Psionic Device by the Orville Corporation was the TPD-599, a working Remote Pungeoning Console that superceded the “Land Mind” series.
  The Model 599 improved remote monitoring by featuring upgraded allocators and excisors and included the O599P pharmatronic module, thought capture and signal generator — all advanced industry features available only with Orville products.
  Galba Gwon, VP of Tech Brokering at Orville, proclaimed, “The new TPD-599 provides interface and test capabilities second to none, and our V2K-2569 projector and PNG validation tools are the latest in portable, remote pungeoning. Customers will achieve significant savings in subconscious reaction times with this new model. The theta signal capture and suggestion generators are industry-leading features that safely purge false events whilst vivifying factual events.”
  The TPD-599 model paved the way from Stratum XXVIII onward for Orville in this technological sphere.

‘Mornings with Rothwine & Dibbi’

Join the conversation with Erastus Rothwine and Dibbi Sincerebro each weekday morning as they take part in live lumicasts covering what they find interesting and stuff. Connected to planetary newsmakers, the pair has some of the biggest names on the air every weekday.
  Each day ‘Mornings with Rothwine & Dibbi’ delivers two hours of breaking gossip, top-level tastemaker interviews and artful storytelling from the GSLV studios on Gokhos Sakima. ‘Mornings with Rothwine & Dibbi’ combines impactful ‘journalisming’ and rich storytelling that leaves viewers more informed, prepared and uplifted to take on the galaxy.

This Week’s Guests:
  • Mrs. Kon-Braga on her First Lady struggles with finding a suitable wardrobe for the High Epopt’s 113th birthday celebration. Rothwine goes over his peen gland biopsy.
  • Irena Doorwuff of Damonus III tells of her overnight success crafting doggy garments to serve the demand for clothing by victims of war in Nebula 1541. This moves Dibbi to tearfully tell the tale of her birthday puppy suffering from the Doggyblahs. Rothwine kvetches about the nuisance of dog dirt on local beaches.
  • Visiting dilettante Meghan C. of Earth bitches about how awful her home planet is and obsequiously gushes over how Gokhos Sakima rules, even though she apparently knows little about either. Rothwine gets cranky about ‘spoilt brats’ and makes the guest cry.
  • Legendary Earth broadcaster Jack Frent drops by and shares what it’s like to call shenanigans on celebrities and planetary leaders alike. Rothwine obviously has a new man-crush and Dibbi gets emotional defending ‘Real Housewives of Gokhos Sakima’.

‘Mornings with Rothwine & Dibbi’ can be viewed on Gokhos Sakima Lumivision (GSLV) weekdays from 0700 through 0900 hours.

Dayanghan Wonhyeong 1

Recurring archetypes for a new season

Tōmen no Kenen 2: Jitsugen

Classic City Arcade 1123

Mr Arthur toting scorpion mezcal...
Miss Tiff bemoaning storefront sewage...
Mr Buck fine dining at Little Italia...
Mr Dolenz signing at the Wuxtry...
Mr Devlin watching the balcony...
Mr Zack bouncing easy breathers...

Menko 23: Il Ficcanaso

‘Gadfly Doctor Delivers Harsh Words for High Epopt, Media’

Doctor Malcolm Eon, high dignitary of Gokhos Sakima, has issued strident criticisms for Kon-Braga, the planet’s High Epopt. Dr Eon’s disparagement of the leader’s political performance has been well noted; Eon has now broadened his range of reproach to include the planetary media’s dereliction of objective coverage, especially after the High Epopt’s first fireside chat that was aired recently.
  “The High Epopt, in his incessant babbling and frivolity, has baffled the populace to a point of grave concern. As for dealing with the economy, he continues to sit on his thumbs,” Dr Eon pointed out in a recent communiqué. “And this ‘fireside chat’ — gimme a break! Did his mum knit that sweater? And that cozy parlour schtick is all chroma-keyed — his palace is waaay more swank than that! Filled with baubles and macramé!
  “And our blow-dried media shills smile and breathlessly gush over this dotardly doyen and his every feeble pronouncement,” Eon added brusquely. “Both the epopt and his media manservants’ thinking comes straight out of their fanny-packs full of feelings!”
  Now that Gokhos Sakima has been granted novitiate member status of the United Planets, it is unclear how Gokhos Sakima Lumivision (GSLV) and other planetary media will react to coverage by United Planets Media. Under UP member status, all citizens are guaranteed access to UP Media content.
  “It will be business as usual,” Dr Eon said rather pessimistically. “Citizens never get the whole picture. People of the galaxy are tired of Fake News.”

This missive was republished from Eppulon Independent Samizdat and made available via subspace communiqué. Eppulon Independent Samizdat is neither licensed nor sanctioned by any governing bodies of the galaxy. No changes have been made nor original material added.

Kon-Braga Fireside Chat Deemed a Success

In his four-hour fireside chat High Epopt of Gokhos Sakima His Excellence Kon-Braga comprehensively analysed the work of the spaceward initiatives, threw down a fresh struggle sesh, and hatched strategic policies for expanding metavisional sight for the Gokhos Sakima citizenry. Important tasks were also set forth for advancing the cause of global coherence and external relations to develop xeno-rapport vis-à-vis Gokhos Sakima’s admission to the United Planets.
  The stated ideas of Kon-Braga will make an awesome practical programme as they admit the subjective and objective factors checking society’s advance under prevailing internal and external situations. He urged clear metaphysical motivations and ways for innovating overall progress of Gokhos Sakima’s caste strata furthering collective praxis to the next stage of victory.
  The High Epopt also said that an in-depth understanding of successes and shortcomings regarding our work — the causes, lessons, and future struggle orientations — are indeed paramount, and that through hashing it out collectively it is possible to confirm strategic and tactical policies based on common opinions.
  High Epopt Kon-Braga ended the fireside chat sharing heartening affirmations to inspire morale for the citizenry and embolden their devotion. A sampling:

• “I provide a noble mental and moral presence, diligent work methods, and a people-oriented governing style.”
• “I am wise oracle, kind autocrat, stern father, and convivial brother.”
• “I provide cogent answers to all the Universal Mysteries.”

High Epopt of Gokhos Sakima Launches Biweekly Fireside Chat

High Epopt of Gokhos Sakima His Excellence Kon-Braga commands planetary citizens to tune in live at week’s end for his inaugural fireside chat via lumivision broadcast.
  The High Epopt will discuss the latest spaceward initiatives, the recent admission of Gokhos Sakima as novitiate member of the United Planets, and metavisional sight policies for directing global coherence.
  The fireside chat will take place at 1900 hours on The Aftermath 15, 3189 YOLD. Marshmallows will be provided.