Assemblée Gnathique II

Assemblée Gnathique I

Vindaloo Weekend 8:Mardaana Manoeuvres

Byo-Byo Originale

Byo-Byo Originale — A favourite concoction by Scarlatti’s mum given for afters.
  This is the goblet and Byo-Byo is the content, man.
  After a long day in the sandbox, Scarlatti and his associates’ interoception modules became activated with the hunger signal:
“It’s Feeding Time!”
  Of course, they had to clean their plates for the privilege of the sweets thereafter.
  The taste was such a hit that word got around and the treat was eventually bought out by the Orville Corporation’s Foods Division.

Orville Introduces ‘Red’ Variety Praise™ Food Substitute

The Orville Corporation, which sells Praise™, the “New Food Substitute,” is adding a rich red to its palette of nutriments. The company unveiled Praise™ Red™ this week, just in time for fall.
  Since Orville introduced original Praise™ to the international marketplace in 2021, the company has sold more than 25 million units of the foodstuff.
  “Based on the success of the original product, Orville expects the new colour to provide a boost to all sales,” said Orville spokesperson Tayna Van Wey.
  “The research and genesis behind this concept was 100 percent focused on the kids. As parents know, it’s difficult to keep them entertained.”
  Orville asked children for ideas on how to make food substitutes more fun. Not surprisingly, they suggested a fun colour and flavour.
  “Red flavour” was the top choice amongst five-year-olds. Orville may switch to blue later on “to keep the idea fresh,” Van Wey said.
  Praise™ Red™ is a strong product for Orville because it keeps young consumers’ tastes in mind, Van Wey said.
  Orville said the product tested well with focus mums, with over half of them saying they would make their kids eat it.
  Ideally, Van Wey said, every household will buy two units of Praise™ — a ‘safe’ one for adults and a radical red one for the kids.
  “It’s not mum and dad’s food substitute,” she said. “If parents think it’s a little weird, that’s all the better for the kids. And for Orville.”

A Binding Bride is New to Town

Trichonephila clavata

Menko 21: Adversus Muxumsa

Praise™ Aerosol Nutriment Continues Uphill Battle Overseas

The Orville Corporation remains steadfast in pushing ahead their overseas campaign for Praise™ Aerosol Nutriment in the face of growing criticism.
  “Critics have always had their ‘elf and safety’ gripes,” says CEO Johnny Gutts, “but our distribution complies with all applicable laws and regs.”
  Gutts does not mince words.
  “Because of these ponces and their ‘world trade’ racket, Orville is forced to limit our overseas shipping of Praise™ to Caribbean slums, the Mideast, and despotic African ****holes — no offence, UAP!”
  Orville is no stranger to controversy, as their Therianthropic Therapeutics services (recombinant DNA salons) were forced to relocate overseas in 2014, as well as many of their forays in neurohacking and certain Punge Procedurals.
  Piracy and smuggling of Praise™ and other Orville products also continues to be a concern for the trans-global corporation. Gutts doesn’t rule out taking harsher measures in response.
  “The Burcad Badeed of the seas and the Almuharibin of the sands indeed know a good thing. Still though, gonna have to call the Allied Pungeoning Front to deal with these international incidents. Gotten our hands dirty before — not afraid to do it again.”

Menko 21: Perplessità Oggi

Perplesso Spontanea: New for Stratum XLVIII

Cue for the Flavours: Assortment δ

“Remember that time we were all at that restaurant and Chief ordered pink lemonade? Everyone just looked at him like ‘WTF?’ and he cringed and just muttered, ‘Jeezus…’”

House Brand Grape Soda: This is the can, man. Another essence (along with the attendant Wurzelbier and Birkenbier) hearkens back to the waning summer weekend at Lac des Cloches.

And speaking of grape, ‘The Gardener’ would enjoy Traubensaft with old Mrs Corbett on her porch as they both wondered about the fortuities of life. When he returned and was notified that she had passed away, he asked, “Was she a hunnert years old?” to which her son replied, “Yes.”

Blade Sharp II

Blade Sharp II, like the original Blade Sharp, is a process available at Tawmy’s Men’s Styles, with Shavo options available.

Other produkt available:
• Pèi’ǒu Style for Men
• Freedom-Do™
• Hihi In’nō Beauty Product

Menko 21: Gekido Nanashi

Ambusher in the Mailbox

Latrodectus mactans

Praise™ Aerosol Nutriment Gains Toehold in Mideast Markets

In spite of criticism the Orville Corporation has faced regarding its new aerosol inhalant’s entry into the international marketplace, its Praise™ Aerosol Nutriment has found inroads to some unregulated Mideast markets.
  Orville marketing analysts have found a leniency and social acceptability there as waterpipe smoking is traditional to regions of the Mideast. Critics say shadowy black market networks avoiding sanctions have aided in the distribution of the product there, but Orville denies any wrongdoing.
  “Past Punge Expos got Orville’s ‘foot in the door’ to markets in this part of the world,” says CEO Johnny Gutts. “We can operate. We can build. Or we can franchise. Whichever way — we do it all for you, the customer,” says Gutts.
  Distribution of Praise™ Aerosol Nutriment has been mainly to bazaars, majlis, and cafés willing to stock the product. Home use is on the rise and franchise opportunities lie on the horizon from the Maghreb to the Levant and Greater Araby.

Praise™ Aerosol Nutriment Added to Overseas Product Line

With success in the overseas energy inhalant market, the Orville Corporation has decided to add a new aerosol inhalant variety to the product line extension of Praise™, the “New Food Substitute,” and have included it in the current Praise™ international advertising campaign.
  Praise™ Aerosol Nutriment is an aerosolised rendering of the Praise™ semi-nutritional product. The patented amalgamation of soy, lentil, and organic naizõ by-products are suspended in an inert deuterated etheric propellant — a novel proprietary compound formulated by researchers at the Orville Corporation.
  Distribution will remain solely overseas until pharmacodynamic issues involving the unmetered huffing interface are resolved with federal oversight agencies. (Though it is rumoured that counterfeit Praise™ goods are showing up at hookah lounges in the States.)
  Orville CEO Johnny Gutts assures the public that health and safety concerns are of paramount importance along with the maintaining of quality systems for Praise™ products.
  “Whether you eat it or breathe it, the benefits of Praise™ are nigh indisputable,” he said.
  Gutts is confident in the eventual expansion of Praise™ distribution channels across the globe.

Programming with Feint Praise™: Feeding a Market Hungry for Meaning

With the continuation of the worldwide ad campaign for Praise™, the “New Food Substitute,” the Orville Corporation has emphasised the need for niche marketing towards certain targeted demographics.
  The Hipster demographic is one of the most contentious in recent years. “You marketers love stereotypes!” is a commonly heard criticism. Well, that may be true, but Hipsters must love them too since ‘the shoe fits.’ Proof? The marketing works.
  Though their Terminal Bourgeoisphobia and Brooding Self-Dissatisfaction may flare up now and then, when their wad is blown on spent theatrics and Role Strain, they often settle into unabashedly consumerist roles. And being able to afford a low-paying job curating knick-knacks gives them relatively disposable income.
  This is where Praise™ Firm Rendered Patties comes in.
  The clambering need for Hipsters to overtly put out the ‘Beards and Barbecuing’ signal — once merely pedestrian masculine traits — is now, well... a beard of overcompensation in a Low-T demographic embarrassed by its own now-faded virility.
  Praise™ Firm Rendered Patties brings the excitement and danger of cooking with flames to your backyard. Made with soy, lentil, and re-rendered organic naizõ, these patties are packed with phytoestrogens and flavour — at premium pricing this demanding demographic can afford.
  With these Spoiled Uncreatives constantly re-rendering an already-recycled culture that’s been re-rendered again to the point where it all becomes socio-degenerative, isn’t it fitting that Orville is providing them a foodstuff that’s been re-rendered and recycled the same way?

  Bon Appétit!

Praise™ Youth Kibble: Letting Influencers Influence

With the launch of the Orville Corporation’s worldwide campaign for Praise™, the “New Food Substitute,” new horizons in the digital frontier are being leveraged to thoroughly penetrate targeted demographics through influencer marketing.
  Connecting with consumers will facilitate certain Orville brands like Praise™ to sell via their endorsement by social media users with an established followship. Praise™ Youth Kibble is specifically marketed to Gen Z, so this segment is targeted through such specific influencers as undernourished yet hungry teenage girls, stoners with no discretionary palate, and fans of “Too Stupid to Die.”
  While big-name celebrity testimonials are ideal for Orville, influencers with smaller audiences tend to not only be more cost-effective, but they can also have stronger brand influence within their communities, driving more sales. After all, wouldn’t you take the word of a local unemployed know-it-all over some phony on TV?
  “Knowing the impact that influencer marketing has, Orville analysed the key trends that will help our brands successfully grow this year and beyond,” said Kaitlinn Robertell, PR/Social Director at Orville. “‘Authenticity’ and ‘Trendjacking’ are not just buzzwords anymore.”

The Praise™ Product Line Extension

  Orville’s Praise™, the “New Food Substitute” is basically a semi-nutritional substance containing soy, lentil, and organic naizō by-products. It may be consumed as breakfast cereal/kibble, shelf-stable burger patty, or chewy snack. It is healthy and indulgent with essential vitamins and nutrients; its high fibre content is a predominant feature.
  Food substitutes that are nutritious, sustainable and fair. That’s the mission of Orville’s Provender and Refreshments portfolio, full of great-tasting brands that give consumers access to affordable, nutritious product.
  That means providing essential nutrients and making you feel good about yourself. It means more food and non-food choices. It means sourcing ingredients sustainably. The recipe’s simple — the faster we grow, the more good we can let you do.

Niche Marketing: Praise™ Soft-Sticks

With the worldwide ad campaign for Praise^™, the “New Food Substitute,” in full swing, the Orville Corporation is utilising niche marketing in addition to its usual mass market media onslaught in product and service promotion.
  Praise^™ Soft-Sticks, a variety popular and preferred as meal replacement by older, thrift-conscious single female consumers, is one such segment focus. Frugality aside, this demographic outspends the average household in every category, and they are expected to fuel spending growth in sectors including “meals for one,” alcohol, and other lifestyle needs. An added plus is that Praise^™ Soft-Sticks easily double as a convenient pet nutrient provender, appending the Cat Lady demographic to this segment.
  Getting single women to accept the Praise^™ brand is not a single step. There is no magic bullet. It’s a systematic rethinking of how Orville presents their plan to them, consisting of dozens of subtle shifts and alterations. Single women want you to speak to their heads and their hearts, as well as their palates. And, if the message is conveyed successfully, women will swallow Praise^™ through being loyal and making more referrals.

Orville Launches Worldwide Campaign Reintroducing Food Substitute

The Orville Corporation has taken a bold leap into the 21st century with an international reintroduction of Praise™, the “New Food Substitute,” — a soy-lentil-naizō by-product that can be enjoyed both in meatspace and in online soyspace.
  Introduced in 1984 by Johnny Gutts and Hector McNiece, Praise™ was known as an ‘honest to goodness’ versatile foodstuff loaded with protein and energy. Until now, Praise™ has only been continuously available at The Gristle franchise locations around the greater Heritageville area.
  The food substitute market is a sizable and growing industry. Orville has realised that food alternatives are building demand with campaigns that tempt consumers with flavour and then appeal to their desire to eat healthier and more sustainably. Orville, ever concerned about corporate social responsibility, has decided to tap into the global market and connect international consumers with the great taste of Praise™.

  • Praise™ features sustainable GEO (genetically enhanced organism) cereal grains based on soy, lentil, and organic naizō whose very DNA is customised to maximise your eating satisfaction.
  • Praise™ also helps maximise antibody count and lower levels of bad, bad cholesterol.
  • Praise™ is fortified with Vitamin P23™, a proprietary Orville nano-nutritional bioactive compound that facilitates proper metabolism.

  Orville’s marketing mavens have built a diverse branding campaign to reflect attitudes and mindsets of food substitute consumers profiled around the world.

Orville Helps Parents with ‘Negative Reinforcement’ Branding

Orville Corporation research has shown the effect of various types of negative food marketing on children including advertising, product packaging and other media.
  Research shows that emotions such as shame and guilt can be used to create favourable responses from parents and consumer advocates, especially in overseas markets.
  Negative food marketing takes advantage of the developmental vulnerabilities of children and adolescents and lets their parents set boundaries through uses of guilt, shame, and other ‘teachable moments.’
  Children who feel shame and guilt are best targeted by campaigns which offer a ‘big mirror’ reflection of their problems.
  Branding strategies pair those emotions with appropriate messages, thus offering parents purchasing behaviours to steer children towards healthier alternatives, such as Orville’s Praise™, the New Food Substitute, as well as fortified human kibble varieties and nutritional biscuits.
  Product packaging can prompt curiosity in children and then highlight a bigger picture, provoking such thoughts as ‘Are you a scumbag? How ashamed do you feel? Stop it, and listen to your parents!’
  Branding needs to emphasise insecurities of children in order to help achieve their parents’ goals. So a tagline like ‘You’re a fat, useless person’ for those who tend to feel smug invites parental correctives as an immediate short-term benefit.
  “Children are susceptible to advertising, and need negative encouragement to reflect on themselves, which promotes positive parental involvement,” said Orville nutrition psyops consultant Margie Xiao-Qiu in a press release.

Menko 21: Séfilnt Polýfimos

Stratum Dos rituals in play
the Mandaamin spirit of chasquem
brings forth Séfilnt Polýfimos,
the nektinquot wuskchum on his treat-quest
O tamwe!

Supa-Kibble 0497

In this “Very Special Edition”:

That lovable rascal -- he’s such a good boy (yes you are) that it’s only natural for post-Wall pet parents to imagine him as a four-legged fount of goodness. This angelic anthrozoomorph “would save the world if he could.”
  Of course he would. His Translator Collar says so. And you reward him thusly for that potential, as well as for the cuteness convenient within itself.
  Let’s be blunt: The ‘pet as emotional crutch’ is pathetic enough as it is. (At least you’re not making a public show of it.)
  But who could quibble with doling out well-deserved treats?
  Of course BBACBL Absentee Overlords have to put in their two cents. Not that they aren’t pet lovers, it’s just that their idea of ‘pet’ extends to anything or anyone within their Sphere of Influence -- their ‘small pond,’ as it were. Sure, it’s a mercenary approach, designed to milk the most out of a business, situation, or person in the name of their own corrupt and paranoid pet causes (no pun intended).
  But their concern about anyone two-legged or four- will be self-serving false equivalence platitudes if anything.
  “That dog don’t hunt!”
  Of course he doesn’t. His Translator Collar says so. Broken clock, and all that.

Edition Sponsor: Alsatian Liberation Front