UAP Election 2020:A Dark Horse Emerges

The Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture 2020 election for Grand Gouvernor is now under way, now that Jayden Gutts (nephew of Orville CEO Johnny Gutts) has cast his insouciant hat into the lot.
  There has been much whispering among local elders that the Gutts candidacy might lead to a backslide into corruption not seen since the days of BubbaCabal occupation. Though Gutts has weak ties to the APF, elders are not convinced of his bona fides.
  “Idol Twiga Mtudada tells us Young Gutts walks in different footsteps than Bwana Johnny,” say elders from Entebbe.

  Into the spotlight steps Chukwuma “Chuks” M’bwe’bwe from the upstart United Rally for Pan-Ugandoid Renewal party (URPUR). M’bwe’bwe stands by the original UAP Liberation Intention of Johnny Gutts and the APF in their ’90’s ousting of BBACBL.
  “UAP is ripe to maintain its liberated stance! Johnny showed us the way! Say ‘no’ to busy-body nephews!” exclaimed M’bwe’bwe at a recent campaign stop.
  URPUR is a coalition party made up of APF operatives gone native, former PATU partisans, and UTT dissidents.
  Late brother Jomo Ndeki M’bwe’bwe is remembered for playing a large part in helping spirit Wakili Kuku and the APF those decades ago. He also improved Idol Access to citizens by ending the foreign meddling at Kanisa Fuju Temple.
  “Chuks” M’bwe’bwe promises to carry on that torch for all UAP citizens.

An Apocryphal Political Tale from UAP

Meneer Botho, junior raconteur of Vesterino’s (second only to ‘Bonehead’), tells of the apocryphal tale whispered about from the Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture’s election season in Stratum III:

From the rustic entangawuuzi farmlands of the Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture, Omugaali was a man who dreamed of power. He recently made official his candidacy for Grand Gouvernor in the upcoming elections. Though he was of agri-peasant stock himself, he felt above his station yet still needed that “everyman” support. (Proles and peons vote too, y’know.)
  From those same back-country plains was a man named Oku Almeyne, a talented musician who couldn’t hold a real job due to his excessive taste for distilled millet potations. But the purple prose of Candidate Omugaali resonated with Almeyne, who wanted both to cleave to power-seekers as well as claim fame for himself.
  Both men recognised the mutual benefits each had to one another and a plan was hatched.
  An election rally was to be held at the Entebbe Fairgrounds where Oku Almeyne would perform on his electric balafon for crowds hungry for musical flair and political platitudes alike. A rousing speech by Omugaali was to follow the performance.

  The day came and the throngs gathered in anticipation. On stage, minor political toadies feebly tried to warm up the audience for the awaited entertainment.
  But where was Oku Almeyne?
  He was found backstage drunk and out of his gourd. The event’s handlers tried to rouse him as he babbled and slurred. They managed to prop him up in a rickety office chair.
  The eager crowd roared at the sight of Almeyne being wheeled up to his electric balafon. They quieted as he struck the opening notes of “In the Pillory Again,” his regional hit song.
  He then paused, leaned forward and proceeded to vomit all over his instrument.

  Onlookers gasped as globules of today’s lunch and rivulets of millet brew spattered all over the stage. A sour waft of bile was quickly picked up by the summer breeze, eliciting howls of disgust by everyone downwind or within eyeshot.
  Almeyne slumped face-first into the foul ejecta as stagehands tried to pull him away from the stinking mess. The crowd was in full uproar as their state of inebriation was not too far off from Almeyne’s own.
  Omugaali quickly strode across the stage and grabbed the mic.
  “I’ve a good feeling about the UAP, don’t you?” he pleaded with a plastic grin. “Pardon us for the intestinal difficulties, but... uh, this is a great campaign and I thank you for attending...”
  The hundreds of music fans weren’t even booing at this point — just bellowing louder in revulsion as they fled the grounds...

“...Anyway, that’s how I remember it,” Botho concluded. “Omugaali actually won the election and served one term as UAP Grand Gouvernor. Oku Almeyne went on to have more hit songs after cleaning up his act. For a time.
  “But you’ll never read a word about that rally. The UAP media machine quashed all mention and sanitised all comm channels of this. And who’s gonna believe a bunch of drunk concertgoers?
  “I think Western media could take a few lessons on sifting out from mass consumption the sordid details of our beloved political leaders, don’t you?”

Omuyingirira Squatters Ruin UAP Bungaloid

Squatters recently broke into one of the Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture’s sacred bungaloids affiliated with Kanisa Fuju Temple, according to an Allied Pungeoning Front report.
  Mzungu parishioners who were out of town doing missionary work returned to discover the bungaloid festooned with atrocious neon colours and refurbished into a junk store called The Culture Vulture. Display Idol Assemblies and sacramentals had been defiled and slapped with price tags — an anathema in the eyes of many.
  The APF had called in PATU units to successfully secure the premises. None of the omuyingirira squatters were present at the time of investigation.
  In a press conference Tiki Prime spokesman Madoobe Oumee claimed, “The squatting interlopers from overseas are what we call ‘ababbi b’oku nnyanja ab’obuwangwa.’ They cause many zibbs. They have no culture, thus they plunder from all they consider exotic in an attempt to appear worldly, when they’re more parochial than anyone with their high omulokozi complex. This much we have gleaned from their social media blatherings.”
  UAP Grand Gouvernor M’bwe’bwe signed a bill that puts penalties on alleged squatters. The law, which has already gone into effect, gives the APF, PATU and other sanctioned UAP bodies the right to immediately commit squatters to local pungeonaries.
  Parishioners and citizens have spearheaded a “Restore the Bungaloid” movement to help revivify the temple extension and reinstate Idol Access. Soon enough people of the Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture will again be able to commune together in a Kind Sesh.

A Look Back: Ugand-A-Thon 2K Dry-Run

Quelle Affaire! The test prep of the various functions of Ugand-A-Thon 2K involved questionable planning as well as a shaky alliance between the Allied Pungeoning Front, Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture and the respective UN Concordat.
  BubbaCabal interference with native sovereignty had previously resulted in the APF acting as clean-up agency during both the EBB Debris Field Incident and the EBB Contagion Drill. The worst of the crises turned out to be what was known as “Mission Manqué” (EBB010597), a real flaming burnout.
  Diplomatic relations were smoothed out in agrément once BBACBL was ousted, thanks to APF and envoy Johnny Gutts.
Community outreach programmes were then implemented with a considerable degree of success:

• UAP: Chui Sasa Hivi
• UAP: Ritual of the Fuju
• UAP: Wakili Kuku

Alas, in a reversal of the ‘Egg of Columbus’ precept, Ugand-A-Thon 2K was shelved, stirring sharp criticism over the proposed activities:

• Airport Re-Enactment
• Riding on Fumes
• Dead on Auto-Pilot
• Investigative Report

[TRAFSYS COMM ERROR: Distressed Directional Glyph]

By Y2K+1 (28th Stratum) the idea of a future brokered Ugand-A-Thon was in doubt...

Menko 21: Fuju of UAP

• Ritual of the Fuju: Pillar of spirit and tradition

• Chui Sasa Hivi: UAP elders and idols question BBACBL interference; APF intervention mandated

• Wakili Kuku: Fuju brethren ousts BBACBL’s forays into EBB

UAP: Chui Sasa Hivi

UAP: Fighting the Triple Threat

UAP 2020 ElectionCandidate Sanction Notice

UTT confident that new candidate will help guide idol volitions of temple strictures with tribes’ benedictus.

UAP: Ritual of the Fuju

Praise™ Aerosol Nutriment Continues Uphill Battle Overseas

The Orville Corporation remains steadfast in pushing ahead their overseas campaign for Praise™ Aerosol Nutriment in the face of growing criticism.
  “Critics have always had their ‘elf and safety’ gripes,” says CEO Johnny Gutts, “but our distribution complies with all applicable laws and regs.”
  Gutts does not mince words.
  “Because of these ponces and their ‘world trade’ racket, Orville is forced to limit our overseas shipping of Praise™ to Caribbean slums, the Mideast, and despotic African ****holes — no offence, UAP!”
  Orville is no stranger to controversy, as their Therianthropic Therapeutics services (recombinant DNA salons) were forced to relocate overseas in 2014, as well as many of their forays in neurohacking and certain Punge Procedurals.
  Piracy and smuggling of Praise™ and other Orville products also continues to be a concern for the trans-global corporation. Gutts doesn’t rule out taking harsher measures in response.
  “The Burcad Badeed of the seas and the Almuharibin of the sands indeed know a good thing. Still though, gonna have to call the Allied Pungeoning Front to deal with these international incidents. Gotten our hands dirty before — not afraid to do it again.”

Menko 22: Fuju for ’22

Overseas Proxy for UAP Idol Access

Gutts Nephew Runs for UAP Office

After the EBB Debris Field Incident, Contagion Drill and “Mission Manqué,” the BubbaCabal was ousted from the Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture in 1997 by the Allied Pungeoning Front.
  Diplomatic relations expedited executive control transfer back to local elders and aside from the cancellation of the PATU-Y2K EBB Summit, all had been running smoothly.
  Enter Jayden Gutts, nephew of Orville CEO Johnny Gutts. A score of years has passed and the young man is at the age where he “wants to make a difference” and “give back to the community.” One of his community college professors has urged him to “get involved with third world s***holes” as it would look good on his CV, would give him Conspicuous Charitability cred, and might also get him lucky with some of the earthier co-eds.
  Next thing you know Jayden is stepping off his flight onto the tarmac at EBB with arms outstretched, declaring, “Hear I am!” There Gutts announced his candidacy for Grand Gouvernor of the Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture.
  Regarding his platform Jayden Gutts has been rather vague, mouthing platitudes some find curious:
  • “We need to be developing better ‘Cred Abilities’ [sic].”
  • “Ng’olabye [unintelligible]... deworming tablets... [unintelligible]... dealing with it.”
  • “Wulira, y‘all! Everyone knows Dada Seijin is just a misunderstood bachizungu...”
  Though candidate Gutts’ campaign has been sanctioned by the APF, both Johnny Gutts and Orville have remained mum regarding any endorsements.

UAP: Wakili Kuku

EBB: Mapping the Debris Field

UAP Communique 113099

Entebbe Territorial Boundary Relocation moved from 2 minutes, 23 seconds due to BubbaCabal proxies discovered within Ugandoid Autonomous Prefecture as recent as 27 Oct. Media efforts are being made to urge partnership with APF, the local elders, and whatever resources are available to a ‘pro-punge’ workforce with additional tactical training and strategic expansion. In a sense, local negotiation offices have become garrisons for trained operatives.