“Thanks”: The Invasion of Ostentation

  In the banquet hall the families had gathered, young and old alike. It was a Feast of Thanks, and almost everyone was grateful for the prosperity of the fading year.
  Almost everyone.
  To one particular person this occasion provided a golden opportunity to command attention to themselves. They could go from table to table making children’s jaws drop and putting a knit in every granny’s brow. They would “shock the squares,” alright.
  That this person was a food runner “just doing their job” is ostensible, and they may very well be thankful themselves behind the admittedly cheerful mien.
  But as families politely try not to stare, making a spectacle of yourself clearly takes priority over lousy job skills and decorum before guests and strangers.

  Jared Gutts — who is as uncultured and brusque as any chav — was just trying to enjoy his turkey but had to bluntly pipe up and state the obvious: “He looks like that Mr Deezen guy from the movies, but with a ponytail and fake jubblies.”