Newborns love the sweltering noonday sun

Parenting Trends 2006

As the searing midsummer sun beats down upon Classic City denizens going about their daily routine, one may take notice of a growing trend among today’s new parents.
Whether being pushed along in a decked-out stroller or cradled tightly in guarded arms, infants are lovingly made to bear the brunt of maximum solar exposure. Just look around. They wouldn’t be sitting there baking like that if they didn’t like it.

“No covering, no hats, no sunblock,” points out Dr. Johnny Gutts, a research facilitator at PedePartners 2K, a life sciences think tank based in Heritageville. “Shade is definitely out for these littlest of tykes.”
Gutts notes that this trend has been growing steadily in recent summers, and that potential risks may outweigh dubious benefits.

“Sun protection is vital for babies six months and younger. These parents are acting irresponsibly.”

“Oh, sure, blame the parents again,” laments Heidi Feick-Craig, local cashier at Flea Bite’s Café. “A lil’ sun is good for my babies. That‘s what’s most important.”

[Video: Dr. Gutts silently shakes head.]

“Dakota really likes the attention,” beams Thad Cruzak, a stay-at-home dad who moonlights at Junque Novelties. “She likes it best when I take her ‘sunning’ around City Square at lunch hour, when lots of people are around. It‘s so hot out then, but at least people are noticing her. Plus, I heard the sun is a good source for vitamin C, so that’s okay.”

Dr. Gutts frowns at parents who seemingly put their own needs ahead of their loved ones. Is there a solution?

Of course there is. Leave it up to the masterminds at the Orville Corporation to come up with an answer that will make everyone happy.

The Orville™ Infant Tanning Bed ITB100

Tanning improves the baby’s level of health. Ultraviolet rays harden the bones, enrich the blood, prevent colds, improve the appetite, and add vigor to the baby’s body.

This compact, small-capacity portable tanning receptacle is specially designed for a baby’s sensitivity to radiation, while maximizing a gorgeous, healthy golden glow.

• Patented NapTimer™ self-monitors session length.
• Self-contained output monitor. A unique energy-saving feature of the unit’s performance status.
• Wide array of UVA/UVB options (100-3.8x10^3Å).
• Clinically proven safe and effective.

The versatility of choice, only from...

Monday Cortical Hotboxing

Stoking the furnace with Scoville units in the kilo range
Cortex housing temperature reaching 346 Kelvins
Condensation appears on the chassis
trickling to a crawl
as a blue breeze brushes by
cool air touching hot surface
a slight hiss on the brow
Pacing into the headwind
Fake Ross quips, “Heading back to the castle?”

Corporate Ugandoid and the Exploding Green Sun

サラリーマン•ダダ

Specimen 6 rises in ranks up the ladder to greener pastures
Still he chop-chops at the air
Martial gestures at BBACBL’s wispy, bygone ghosts

Witness the litany of managerial buffoons:

• Mac MacDoom — Paranoid alky vet who imagines hand-fashioned pungee sticks as legit business tools against competition.

• The Brown Don — Toady gladhandler consultant relies on divide-and-conquer techniques while buttkissing a la Larry King.

• Dragonryder — Oily, miserable micro-manager who re-enacts swordplay from Highlander during meetings while sporting Member’s Only jacket and fanny-pack.

• Andreu Puckerpants — Flaming stereotype with Rich Wife/Beard who nonetheless feels the need to disparage his uncloseted ilk, all while pandering to Bluehairs.



• The BBACBL Triarchy — The masterminds themselves... Fringe bankers of the Foreman Archetype whose reign of incompetence oversaw this succession’s takedown of a once-viable media organ.

...And let us not forget their lapdog, the vile Jethrine-esque Sleezi Tiki.

“Sarariman Dada, why do you swat at faded flies of yesteryear? They are powerless, shriveled shadows from the past. What threat could they possibly hold in your mind?”

Hmmm...

While “living well is the best revenge” is indeed a tasty dictum in which to take comfort, our executive’s concern is not that of a concrete threat. It is the radar’s detection of patterns themselves that may alert us to any Repeating of the Past.

May we introduce a new corporate tool:

The Orville™ Green Nova of Awareness

• 360° recon intelligence
• 4D contingencies map realtime outcomes
• Motive-exploding to shed light from the what-was to the could-be
• Deterministic schemes for assessing future management’s core competency
• Actionable chaos sets for countering management meta-ignorance and zerotasking

New Babylon 3

Psi-Дубинка: Loop Happiness to the Virgin Soil

Le Mensonge 5

Mars mille neuf cent quatre-vingt-dix-huit
Korrigier die beleidigende Lüge

Utilizing the spillover:
Energy Into Posterity;
Optimizing Your Collateral Results

If you knew you had met the Beast... would you still arbitrate?

Along our path in life, we encounter advice, amity and allegiances with individuals based on what the naïve like to think are “best interests” and “a kind of rapport.”

It shouldn’t take a paranoid to question the concern of the “overly-invested” as hidden agendae of Energy Vampires, Culture Vultures and other False Coaches.

And yet the dewy-eyed idealists are lauded for stooping to reasonably entertain the unreasonable, thinking sanity and goodness would easily win over the consciously corrupt and dissolute.

Yet why are the questions of one who encounters the pall of Existential Doubt waved away with simplistic labels like “Pessimist” and “Captain Bringdown”?

LifeCoach™ by Orville can help you cut through the social brush like a street-smart machete with self-actualization programmes and UlteriorInquest™ hintage.

Syntax Punge 1a

This is the schema for the data model as described in the Psy-Punge Description Framework (PPDF) Model and Syntax Specification.- ->
•Bounday: Scammage. •Class: Punge. •Classß: Value.