Friday, August 11, 2006

Newborns love the sweltering noonday sun

Parenting Trends 2006

As the searing midsummer sun beats down upon Classic City denizens going about their daily routine, one may take notice of a growing trend among today’s new parents.
Whether being pushed along in a decked-out stroller or cradled tightly in guarded arms, infants are lovingly made to bear the brunt of maximum solar exposure. Just look around. They wouldn’t be sitting there baking like that if they didn’t like it.

“No covering, no hats, no sunblock,” points out Dr. Johnny Gutts, a research facilitator at PedePartners 2K, a life sciences think tank based in Heritageville. “Shade is definitely out for these littlest of tykes.”
Gutts notes that this trend has been growing steadily in recent summers, and that potential risks may outweigh dubious benefits.
“Sun protection is vital for babies six months and younger. These parents are acting irresponsibly.”

“Oh, sure, blame the parents again,” laments Heidi Feick-Craig, local cashier at Flea Bite’s Café. “A lil’ sun is good for my babies. That‘s what’s most important.”

[Video: Dr. Gutts silently shakes head.]

“Dakota really likes the attention,” beams Thad Cruzak, a stay-at-home dad who moonlights at Junque Novelties. “She likes it best when I take her ‘sunning’ around City Square at lunch hour, when lots of people are around. It‘s so hot out then, but at least people are noticing her. Plus, I heard the sun is a good source for vitamin C, so that’s okay.”

Dr. Gutts frowns at parents who seemingly put their own needs ahead of their loved ones. Is there a solution?

Of course there is. Leave it up to the masterminds at the Orville Corporation to come up with an answer that will make everyone happy.

The Orville™ Infant Tanning Bed ITB100

Tanning improves the baby’s level of health. Ultraviolet rays harden the bones, enrich the blood, prevent colds, improve the appetite, and add vigor to the baby’s body.

This compact, small-capacity portable tanning receptacle is specially designed for a baby’s sensitivity to radiation, while maximizing a gorgeous, healthy golden glow.
• Patented NapTimer™ self-monitors session length.
• Self-contained output monitor. A unique energy-saving feature of the unit’s performance status.
• Wide array of UVA/UVB options (100-3.8x10^3Å).
• Clinically proven safe and effective.

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