Thursday, October 22, 2015

Classic City “Semi-Adult” Day Care Centre

As demographics would have it, Classic City is rich in idle, young adults. Some have failed out of Uni, been kicked out of Indie Band 101, or fired from Intro to Dishwashing. Even more flock to town with no plan other than to coattail after au courant bohemians, play fair-weather jock-sniffer, posse up with aspiring white rappers or follow the SJW Protest Circuit... all until the parentals stop paying their rent.

  And indeed, Dad and Mum are taken aback at the stark realisation that their “late-blooming” progeny have gone to pot, so to speak. That, and the blunt fact that dignity apparently isn’t hereditary.

  So what are parents to do with their indolent, semi-adult children without having to subject them to Reality? (After all, that would be mean.) Fortunately, the Orville Corporation has a viable alternative: A “Safe Space” of sorts — one that both parents will rest assured foisting their offspring upon and one the kids themselves will be all too happy to “occupy.”

  Orville presents the Classic City “Semi-Adult” Day Care Centre — a sheltered and secure environment that gently fosters “cocooning,” ego-balming situational activities, and attention counseling. This in-demand facility is tailored to all levels of social buffering, providing the curricular experience to minimise your child’s potential.*

  The Classic City “Semi-Adult” Day Care Centre features:
• Purpose-Built Dayrooms with around-the-clock social media immersion and CCTV
• ‘SmartStudio’ provides sensory stimulation/deprivation cycles with De-Sense ‘Huffer’ Chambers, Refitted “Baby Swings,” Interactive Kinetic Art (cardboard mobiles on commission by struggling art students), and our Dance/Expression Space (featuring Orville’s ORV-X Pro DJ Console/Baby Changing Station
• Snack pabulum options are loca-vegevore-friendly
• Sippy Cup refreshment options for Soy Milk, Mulled Chard and our own Blue Ribbon Smoothie
• Sustainable hemp security blankets and nap-mats
• Qualified Staff vetted through APF and OC-ScannTrust

Don’t forget the Orville Daycare and Pre-School Academy available for real children age infant to 15.

*Disclaimer: The behavioural outcomes of the Classic City “Semi-Adult” Day Care Centre’s conditioning of students will inevitably require corrective pungeoning sessions should guardians decide to transition their child back into the Real World. [Speakeasy-Style Pungeonary Bunker on campus (password req.)]