Bend Over, Athens

A Curious Pattern of "Chickanery"

Local op-eds make a hand-wringing appeal to doe-eyed hipsters, shrieking about The Man and his nefarious plans of ‘banning the Scene,’ kicking little puppies and otherwise ‘being mean to the environment.’

With its deigning tone, emotionally-fraught words and nameless finger-pointing, this comes across as the journalistic equivalent of making flippy-floppy arm movements like a retard panicking over a lost sippy cup.
While this would certainly be considered pandering, perhaps we should instead turn our eyes from the sky, where Chicken Little would have us, to the landscape before us.

Notably absent from our Town Crier's mewlings is the mention of actual Nattering Nannies and Neo-Puritans who nickel-and-dime every patron and proprietor, sandbagging the very Scene they fawn over with their fanny packs full of feelings and jive pronouncements cooing over ‘funky culture.’

It's one thing to act as a priori apologist for your cronies at City Hall — that much chicanery is expected from small town scribblings of all political stripes. But what we see here are Scaaary Red Herrings being waved about with accompanying stank meant to forestall disagreement by flattering one's audience.

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And here we have come full circle, for when Chicken Little speaks down to his entire audience as if they are all 18-year-old über-sensitive, doe-eyed hipsters, one can suspiciously hear the diversionary peepings of Chicken Little coming from the pocket of The Man himself.

Beware the bird who claims to speak with your best interests at heart, for all the paltry cluckings backed by nothing but weasel words and faux outrage is only meant to ruffle your feathers enough to skip gaily after this Pied Piper, who, in the long run, is basically covering for people who are...a c##k up your @$$.