Take the Punge!

MAKING THE DECISION to place a nemesis in an alternate living situation is easier when one experiences the dedication and personal care at Seaside Pungeonary, a psychological adjustment facility in Higby Beach. The facility focuses on an ethics-based pungeoning for its guests, who are treated with just desserts and professional care by a trained staff.
‘‘I feel our niche is the attention we give to the details that make Seaside Pungeonary a true difference for our guests,” said Johnny Gutts, Administrator. ‘‘Our approach is to render psychological operations as effectively efficiently as possible.”
The staff at Seaside Pungeonary provides 24-hour personal attention for their guests, a group of Pink Boys and ne'er-do-wells who have stepped over the Moral Boundary and require the extensive service of skilled pungeoneers. Despite their insolence, many Pinks deserve their comeuppance. Seaside Pungeonary provides the flexibility to pungeon at various levels.
‘‘Our staff is terrific. They love what they do and it adds to the comfort we strive to provide,” Gutts said. Personal services at Seaside Pungeonary include supervision of ‘meds,’ local pharmacy delivery, re-education, cerebral truncheonings, a hair salon and daily psychological manipulation.
The physical facilities at Seaside Pungeonary are as attractive and inviting as the professional care. Cold, hard concrete and an apparent lack of windows make both guests and residents feel worthless. Inside, the main chamber features uncomfortable seating, an interrogation circle and a ‘session booth.’ Each of the four wings has separate psychological functions.
Seaside Pungeonary has 23 private chambers featuring individually controlled environment and mind conditioning, a pungeonette and private rack. ‘‘The chambers were designed with mental insecurity and re-education in mind,” explains Gutts. ‘‘The architect went to great lengths to add classic Mussolini-like touches such as archways, lack of windows, and harsh lighting to create the atmosphere.”
Residents participate in a wide variety of regularly scheduled activities, including day trips, cranial punge therapy, crafts, Bible studies, games and Aerobix classes. Seaside Pungeonary is also a Partner in Pungeoning with The Orville Corporation and enjoys regular visits and entertainment from students.
‘‘Quality of mind is our first priority!” emphasizes Johnny Gutts. ‘‘We can give you the best of both worlds by providing pungeoning in a private, secure atmosphere.”
Seaside Pungeonary is a private-pay, non-smoking facility located at Higby Beach, at Highway A1A and Boardwalk, just 7 miles east of Furley Square Mall. Call (701) JKL-2300 to schedule your personal tour.