Monday, March 17, 2008

The Da Vinci Mode 4-D: High Boss Worm and Butts in the Brie Sea

Artist. Architect. Engineer. From the Tuscan village of Vinci came Leonardo, bringing his genius unto the world. With his Renaissance legacy, many see fit to name things after him. In this case, a pizza parlour.
Leonardo’s, a Baxter Street neighbour of P-Bones, was a long-time favourite hangout for locals and high-schoolers. That is, until the Curse of Baxter cast its sombre pall, as it does eventually upon burghers and good merchants of these environs. Either that, or just bad business decisions were made.

Yep, time again for anecdotal vignettes:

• A melted Brie deep-dish pizza, its buttery fluid seeping into the stained wooden tabletop.
• A waitress bellies up to the table with the cheque, cigarette ashing down on her crusty tunic.
• The new owner, flushed and sweaty, grins vacantly for the camera; his eatery is to be featured in some piddly shopper advertorial.
Photo Editor: “Was this guy stoned when you took the picture?”
Photog: “I think he was stoned when he bought the business.”

And now, an opportunity for applied theory:

In art class, Mr Dugan would speculate on how people from the fourth dimension would appear. With time being a constant, everyone would simultaneously be everywhere they had ever been and everywhere they would ever be -- much like extremely long worms.

So, what might a 4-D amalgam of a closed time loop look like here in Leonardo’s?
Risking lysergic undertones, one might see our baked proprietor, eyes mirthfully upon the ceiling; his body the Infinite Vermicelli, forever slathering in a sea of gooey Brie whilst cigarette butts bob like slo-mo buoys all the way to the horizon.
‘Leonardo would be turning in his grave if he could see what was being done in his name,’ one might think. Actually, since this scenario is timeless, he would be there himself, spinning on the ground -- breakdancing, you might call it --given he could find adequate floorspace. Or maybe he’s doing the backstroke.

A veritable temporal sfumato.

Cheque, please.